The Satsujinki Cooking Diaries
by Alyeris
Summary: Life was going great for Shiki until the fateful day that he decided to help Kohaku in the kitchens. Can our poor bespectacled hero now survive the events he has set in motion?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Tsukihime is Nasu Kinoko and Type Moon's blablabla you get the idea.

* * *

"Shiki-san, today is Thursday."

Kohaku's solemn words froze Shiki in his tracks.

"Thursday..." Shiki repeated in the voice of the dead. While still numb from the shock the revelation had brought, his mind was racing as he tried to figure out how he could have forgotten a fact so vital to the continuation of his existance. Motivated amnesia? Had last week's experience really been so traumatic that he had erased the fact from his memory?

"Yes, Shiki-san." Kohaku gave him her usual smile. "Do you have any plans tonight?"

"Uh..."

"I see, then I shall inform Akiha-sama that you will be home for dinner." Kohaku bowed and made as if to leave.

"Wait!" Shiki shouted, grabbing the first excuse to enter his mind. "I promised to go to Ahnen Erbe with Ciel-sempai today!"

Kohaku gave him a puzzled look and Shiki knew that his gambit had been foiled.

"Oh? That's strange Shiki-san. Ciel-san called from Marseille last night didn't she? I believe she isn't due back for another three days."

"Ugh."

When he had seen Ciel off at the airport he had never imagined that he would regret her temporary absence from his life as much as he did now.

"Uhm," desperate times called for desperate measures. Offering a silent apology in his mind he cast Kohaku the only other name that would not cause Akiha to lock him up in his room again.

"Hahaha, sorry wrong person. I meant to say Seo-chan." Covering up his guilt with a smile Shiki prayed to whatever gods were listening that they would forgive him for taking advantage of such an innocent girl.

To his considerable surprise Kohaku gave him an even wider smile in return.

"That's right Shiki-san. I forgot to tell you." Faced with Kohaku's innocent visage Shiki could have sworn then that a malicious chuckle was echoing through the room. "Seo-chan called this morning to say that she is sick and can't meet you today."

"..." Well, that was that. Seo's precognition must have warned her to avoid him today, not that he could blame her.

Kohaku's eyes were a study in the various faces of humanity as she silently waited for him to respond. Shiki couldn't decide if they were pitying him or gleeful that another victim had joined her for the night's tortures.

"If Seo-chan's sick I guess there's no helping it." Adorned by a sickly grin Shiki's face was pale as he sentenced himself to his doom, each word he spoke was a nail being driven into the coffin lid of his future.

"I'll be home for dinner."

Kohaku gave him her eternal smile, to Shiki at that moment it looked like nothing so much as the expression the executioner showed someone before he cut their heads off.

**Satsujinki Cooking Diaries**

**Recipe 1 - Overcooked Love**

Thursday night at the Tohno residence.

When Shiki had first come back to this house he had been disturbed by what seemed an anachronistic leftover from a bygone era. That was to say, having a personal maid wait on him for every little detail had been a little nerve-wracking. Over the past year however he had gotten used to it. He had even managed to persuade them to let him help them occasionally in the course of their duties. In so doing he had inadvertently set off a course of events that had culminated in the weekly experience of hell that was Thursday night.

It had all started four weeks ago...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

The light thudding sound of the knife as it diced the onions stopped as Shiki turned his attention towards the person he was helping.

"Hisui wants to do what?" he asked.

Kohaku looked at him with slightly worried eyes. "Uhm... She was wondering if she could try cooking a meal for Shiki-san."

"Hisui's cooking..."

He thought about it, letting his old daydream of eating a quiet dinner alone with his onetime companion and present-day made play in the background of his head. Hisui was cute, anyone would admit that. Eating something made by such a pretty girl was an experience any of his male friends would jump at. That however only proved that they had never tasted her cooking. As always the daydream ground to a halt when it reached the part where Hisui reached over with a piece of an unidentifiable substance grasped in between her chopsticks. Shiki's mind refused to go any further, because to do so would mean recalling his the last time he had eaten something of hers.

A shudder wracked his body. Plum sandwiches... Those horrible purple plum sandwiches... The aftermath of it all had been heavenly but as with all good rewards had been hell to get to. To suffer through that again was something Shiki wanted to avoid, but at any cost? He didn't want to hurt Hisui's feelings. Come to think of it making Hisui sad was bad for his health. She never threatened him or anything of the kind, but the last time Hisui had gotten sulky he had caught her hypnotising him while he was sleeping.

"Ah, Kohaku, could you gently suggest to Hisui that it might not be such a good idea? I mean, it's not that I don't like her cooking or anything, but... Uh..." Shiki couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't be taken as a flat refusal. "Just tell her something, please?" he finished lamely.

Kohaku's everyday smile returned to its place beneath her bright eyes. "Oh I can't do that Shiki-san! If a man wants to say something to someone he should say it himself."

"You... What anime did you get that line from?"

"Universe's Strongest Apprentice Tamichi isn't an anime yet, Shiki-san." Kohaku gave him the kind of instant reply that only a true zealot would give.

"..." And now I'm being corrected by an otaku, thought Shiki. Could his day get any worse?

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

With the door to Hisui's room in front of him Shiki raised an unsteady hand before lowering it again. He was nervous, he knew it. Considering all that had happened to him during his short but interesting life he was surprised that he could still get so nervous about something as little as this. Right then he felt as if he could have faced Nero or even that damn Tatari again without being as unsure as he was now.

There was no reason to be so nervous. He had everything planned out in his head. He would knock on the door, say hello, talk about everyday things. Then, once things had been warmed up enough, he would innocently bring up the topic of food. Hisui would probably bring up the question of cooking for him, and he would... He would...

Turning away from the door Shiki headbutted the opposing wall to relieve some of his frustration. He still had no idea how he would tell Hisui! Anything he said on the topic was liable to depress her. Yet, for his own survival... Yes, for his survival he would even dare the wrath of a million fan-boys and tell her that she shouldn't cook!

"Shiki-sama?"

"Ack! Hisui!" Lost in his thoughts he hadn't heard the door open behind him. Hisui was looking out at him from the room, probably wondering what the noise had been before.

There was a questioning light in her deep grey eyes as she stared at him. Now that he had come to the critical moment Shiki found that his mind had gone blank on him, all his carefully laid plans flying out his ears with his ability to speak.

A long, awkward moment passed in uncomfortable silence.

Shiki had been reduced to staring fixatedly down at the carpet when Hisui asked him a question.

"Did you need something, Shiki-sama?"

"Ah, no. I was just..." Shiki struggled to come up with a plausible explanation for his presence. "I was just walking past when I wondered what you were doing in here."

For some reason Hisui displayed a huge reaction to that random admission. Lowering her head she let her fringe of red hair veil her eyes, but that failed to hide the massive blush that bloomed upon her cheeks.

"Hisui?"

"Would you... Would you like to come into my room, Shiki-sama?" Hisui reinforced that hesitant invitation by moving her body to the side so that the door was now clear.

"You don't mind?" Shiki was a bit surprised. This was only the second time he had come here, the last time being more than half a year ago.

Looking down at the floor Hisui shook her head in denial. Due to the fringe of red-hair that covered the upper part of her face Shiki couldn't see what kind of look she had in her eyes, but there was no mistaking the massive blush that had bloomed upon her cheeks.

"You are welcome to come in here at any time, Shiki-sama," whispered Hisui. Not knowing how to respond to that Shiki simply nodded and entered the bedroom.

After Shiki had seen himself in he barely noticed Hisui quietly closing the door behind him. What had grabbed his attention were the dozens of books that had buried the small desk tucked into the far corner of the room. A closer look revealed that they were... Cookbooks...

"Were you... Studying, Hisui?" Shiki's voice was a little strained as he asked the question.

A nod. Hisui was still refusing to meet his eyes and the blush showed no signs of fading.

"Wouldn't it be easier to work in the kitchen if you are going to study cooking Hisui?" Shiki picked up a book and random and opened it. It was one of those housewive's recipe books that many a family had lived by over the years. Nothing spectacular, but nothing too simple either.

Shiki put the book down. "I'm sure Kohaku wouldn't mind if you practised a bit more, Hisui."

A lie, that was a flagrant lie. Hisui's weekly cooking lessons with Kohaku always left the bright and bubbly older sister tired and drained of life. Having Hisui in the kitchens every day would probably kill her.

"I usually practice on Mondays, Shiki-sama. Today I was looking for something that I could make by myself."

You needed all these books just for that? Shiki wanted to ask the question but didn't because he was afraid of the answer he would get.

"So did you decide on anything?" Shiki inquired of her, more for something to say than honest interest.

"Maybe... There were a few recipes that seemed simple enough for me to try," Hisui replied, she looked up and took a deep breath. With an uncommon determination she then announced, "Shiki-sama, I wish to try making a tonkatsu for tomorrow's dinner. Would you like to try some?"

Caught off-guard by the point he had been trying to avoid coming to, Shiki was unable to give her the answer he had come here to give.

"Tomorrow? Isn't that a little sudden, Hisui?" it wasn't elegant but the question served to buy him some time to think.

"Onee-san would not mind, Shiki-sama."

"Yes, but you, cooking..." He still couldn't say it, not outright anyway.

"... Would you rather that I did not, Shiki-sama?"

Hisui's eyes lost some of the vibrancy they had shown bare moments ago. Shiki couldn't say he completely understood women, but being around so many of them for a year had done wonders for his perception. Right now those keenly honed senses were telling him that Hisui was getting quite upset. Seeing the person who made his mornings so pleasant in this state made Shiki's heart ache. Even then his sensible inner self screamed at him to leave things as they were. This was the best way, any other way led onto the path of eternal pain and suffering. All he had to do was give her one, definite answer.

"No, I would be perfectly happy to try your cooking, Hisui," was what came out instead. His traitor mouth had taken its cues from his heart instead of his brain and now continued to nudge him into an inescapable corner. "Now that I think about it, why don't you try cooking every Thursday? I'm sure that Kohaku wouldn't mind taking a break once in a while."

What was he doing?! Horrified by what he had just said out loud Shiki opened his mouth to try and contain the situation but it was already to late.

"Really, Shiki-sama? Every week?" Shiki didn't know whether he should laugh or cry upon seeing a rare bright smile illuminate Hisui's normally composed face. "If you will excuse me, Shiki-sama, I will go tell onee-san."

Hisui glided out of the room, her footsteps even lighter than usual. In her absence Shiki was left alone to come to terms with the full consequences of his actions. They generally amounted to: "Think HAPPY HAPPY thoughts, because U R GONNA DIE!"

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

One month on Shiki was waiting for the latest penalty of his carelessness to enter the scene. While he waited he reflected over the experiences he had endured these past few weeks.

First up was the bittersweet thought that Hisui's cooking had indeed improved in certain areas under Kohaku's guidance. Her seafood carabone hadn't looked like something that had been dredged up from the dark depths of the oceans. It had only tasted that way.

His musings then drifted over to the subject sitting across the table from him with an impatient air about her regal form. Akiha. Following the first Thursday when she had been caught flatfooted by Hisui's culinary assault, she had ruthlessly enforced his attendance for this agonising ritual he had created. He sometimes wondered why she herself attended. A sense of noble duty? Shiki had no such uncertainties as to why she made him stay here every week. Considering her personality Akiha probably intended for him to repent his folly by making him go through this. She needn't have bothered in that case. Merely sitting through one of these meals was penitence enough to satisfy even Duke Alva. On the other hand it was also entirely possible that she was forcing herself to confront her fear in order to repair her damaged pride.

An involuntary snicker escaped Shiki when he remembered the horror that had stolen over Akiha when she had first bitten into Hisui's tonkatsu. Akiha guzzling water straight from the jug was a memory that he knew he would treasure forever, if only for its blackmail value.

Akiha noticed his amusement, "Nii-san, would you care to share the joke?"

Shiki shook his head. Bringing that incident up while Akiha was still twitchy over the thought of battling another Hisui creation was a recipe for disaster.

His sister however was not one to let go of something once she had grasped it and pursued the topic relentlessly.

"Nii-san, you were sniggering while you were looking at me. What exactly were you thinking about?" Akiha's dark blue eyes blazed cerulean as they focused on him. "Did I amuse you in some manner? If so, do tell."

"Akiha, I wasn't laughing at you."

"Then what was it Nii-san? Surely you have an explanation for me."

Crap, this wasn't good. If they kept going like this he would trigger off another of her rages. The scar he had from the time he had been caught kissing Arcueid still ached in winter, adding more was not something to think about. Time to distract her.

"In that case Akiha, has Arihiko sent another poem yet?" Shiki asked her with a mischievous smile. "You seem to actually be quite fond of them, keeping them in your desk and all."

"What? That's not... I only kept them because they are funny... I don't..." Akiha's face went scarlet as she blustered. Then her eyes narrowed again. "Nii-san... How did you know I have them in my desk?" Akiha started trembling and shades of red started appearing in her hair. "Did you look at anything else? My diary by any chance? Nii-san? Why are you hiding behind your chair?"

What diary? Why was she getting so angry about something so silly Arihiko's letters? Shiki had ducked behind his chair to keep himself out of Akiha's sight the instant he saw her inverting. He was wondering how he was going to get out of this one without mentioning that Ren had told him when there was an interruption. One he had very mixed feelings about.

"Shiki-sama, Akiha-sama, dinner is ready," Hisui calmly announced as she walked into the dining room. She didn't say anything about Shiki being crouched down behind his chair, or how Akiha's hair was red instead of its usual black. Whatever her master chose to get up to was none of her affair.

Slowly, the chill in the air faded and was replaced by a different kind of tension as Hisui and Kohaku started bringing out the dishes. Akiha gave Shiki one last glare to tell him that she wouldn't be forgetting before she too succumbed to her dread.

Faces pale Shiki and Akiha carefully examined the food that had been placed before them. Today's main dish was... Lasagne. It looked like how Lasagne should look. Mince with sauce, and layers of cheese. The smell was normal as well, rich with a hint of the herbs and the spices that brought out the taste.

Shiki looked up at Hisui. She was watching him with the mildly psychotic look he sometimes, very rarely, saw her wearing. On the other side Kohaku was looking at him as well, smiling as always. Last time he had asked how she could smile after eating what Hisui had made. She had then told him, while laughing, "Shiki-san, I don't eat at home on Thursdays. What do you think my afternoon break is for?"

Gritting his teeth Shiki took up his fork. He couldn't do what Kohaku did because Akiha made sure he couldn't get out on Thursdays. Oh well, at least he still had those biscuits he had bought last week in his room.

Taking a deep breath Shiki dug up a chunk of the lasagne and brought it up. Here goes nothing, with that thought Shiki put it into his mouth.

Instantly he froze. Across from him he saw Akiha take a bite and freeze as well. What the hell was this? How could something like this be done?

"Shiki-sama? How is it?" Hisui inquired politely.

Shiki forced himself to chew. It felt like he was chewing sand and cardboard but he somehow managed to make himself smile as he answered her question.

"It's good, Hisui." He was rewarded with a sigh of relief and a beautiful smile from his faithful maid, and a somewhat annoying knowing twinkle from Kohaku. She knew.

Not for the first time in his life Shiki wondered if there was some kind of God watching over Hisui. Making sure that whatever she touched in the kitchen went wrong somehow. There was no other way he could explain the existence of such a thing as this... This... Lasagne.

It looked perfectly normal, yet once one put it into their mouths the aberrations in it were perfectly exposed for the taste buds to experience and shrink in horror from.

The mince was so dry as to require grinding between his molars before they could be turned into a sandy paste that could be swallowed. The sauce was no help here, it was gummy beyond belief, making his jaws stick to each other, further complicating the procedure of mastication. Topping off this texture sensation was the cheese, the tasteless, metallic, plates of cheese. Baked into something that resembled armour plate Shiki could feel the hard, jagged, shards cutting his mouth as he hammered them down into something he could eat.

On a more pleasant note, Shiki realised that Hisui had gotten the taste nearly right this time. Of course the nearly inexistant herby flavour could have just been a side-effect of the overcooking but Shiki was going to take any luck that came his way.

It took an hour of agonising effort under the watchful eyes of Hisui and Kohaku for Shiki and Akiha to grind, hammer and pound the lasagne into submission. Shiki had just sat back in his chair with a huge sigh of relief when he saw Akiha staring at him with a worrisome look in her eyes.

"Hisui," Akiha said before he could stop her. "Nii-san seems to have gotten thinner lately hasn't he?" Hisui nodded and Akiha went on over Shiki's protestations that he was perfectly fine. "Why don't we feed him up a little. Get him another serving." She gave Shiki the perfectly guileless smile that only the truely demonic could have. "I'm sure he would love to have some more of your cooking.

"Uh..."

He glanced over at Hisui who had already come back from the kitchen with another plate in her hands. He then glanced over at the evil duo who were watching him silently with a delighted glimmer in their eyes. Shiki looked back at Hisui, she seemed very happy as she took away the used plate and put the new serving in front of him. He had no choice. No choice at all.

"Thank you, Hisui." Shiki told the red-haired maid as he took up knife and fork again. He suppressed the mournful smile that was threatening to come out. Just one more hour of this Shiki, he told himself as he started 'eating' again. Just one more hour.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

He was finally finished. Free from the horror, until next week at least. Ignoring the frown Akiha cast his way Shiki sank back into the welcome embrace of the sofa. He hadn't felt this tired since he had fought Nero. No, that was an exaggeration, he had been at the virge of death then. This was only about as tired as he had felt when Roa was draining him.

"Shiki-sama."

Shiki opened his eyes and saw Hisui hovering over him again. She was holding out a cup of tea on a plate. It was the usual after-dinner ritual at the Tohno mansion. After they had dinner they would all come into the lounge to talk or play some games while drinking the tasty teas that Kohaku brewed for them. On days like these Kohaku's tea was doubly welcome. Both as a relaxant and as a means to clear out the horrible sensations that Hisui's cooking left in one's mouth.

A loud gasp from Akiha woke Shiki out of his pleasant daze. What was this? Akiha was standing upright while staring down at her teacup with a look that Shiki could only describe as one of disbelief accented by a touch of alarm. Gradually a horrible suspicion wound its way into his mind.

"Hisui."

"Yes, Shiki-sama?"

"Who brewed the tea today?" Shiki was speaking in the voice of the dead again. Emotionless and perfectly tranquil, lest he betray any hint of the dread that had overcome him.

"I did Shiki-sama, Onee-san thought I should practice making tea as well." Hisui sounded quite cheerful.

"Ah," Shiki took a sip. "I thought so."

"Is something wrong with the tea, Shiki-sama? I tasted it beforehand and I thought it had turned out quite well for my first time."

"Nothing's wrong. Nothing's wrong." Shiki waved her away and took another slight sip in order to confirm what he suspected. Yep, no doubt about it.

He put the cup of tea down onto the table. Shiki wanted to cry, he really did. He wanted to stand up, grab Hisui by her shoulders and shout in her face. Knowing full well what kind of results that would have Shiki restrained himself to a little grimace and a scream in the safe confines of his own head.

Hisui... Just because something is white and powdery, it doesn't meant that it's sugar!

Sitting in front of him, brewed to visual perfection, the cup of red tea rested in its salty magnificence.


	2. Chapter 2

Deliberate parodying of one of Kieran's starting monologues here. Forgive me?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------

How had things turned out this way? Could this sequence of tragedies have been avoided? What had he done wrong for all their paths to cross in this fashion?

An innocent remark tossed out in a kitchen.

A vampire princess introduced to cable T.V.

The wrath of a woman whose greatest love in life had been scorned.

All events that could have been prevented, every one another step on the stairway to disaster. The deadliest ability in the world hadn't been enough to break down the chains of misfortune that dragged him down.

A meeting in the moonlight, a memory revisited.

Could he even blame himself? Against the conspiracies of fate not even the gods themselves could win. What else could you call such an unlikely series of unfortunate events?

When battle rages, carried to the foe upon sword, flame, and well-brandished tuna...

Tohno Shiki didn't know. In fact it was almost the last thing on his mind as he hung five hundred feet off the ground, suspended by a slender rope off the highest of the millennium castle's minarets. No one knew if one could die of hypothermia in this pocket dimension that the castle existed in, but if Shiki failed it wouldn't be for lack of trying.

... The only salvation lies in doing the impossible.

Shiki knew he had no more choices, no more alternative paths he could pursue. He would have to face the horrors, the agonies of...

**The Satsujinki Cooking Diaries**

**Recipe 2 - Kitchen Warfare, Part One**

Three weeks prior to Shiki being trussed up like a leg of ham...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Without a sound the door to the kitchen slid open, admitting a black cat who had become (albeit against much resistance) a part of the Tohno family. Peculiar in that she was holding a note in her mouth like a dog fetching a newspaper for its owner. Seeing that her master was currently busy she jumped onto an unused benchtop and curled up to take a brief nap. Walking across the town and back in this form was tiring, but still easier than doing the same in her human body. As long as she had lived Ren still found it hard to understand why so many men would start stalking her when she required the use of a pair of hands.

After a brief glance her way to see who had disturbed the air Shiki turned back to his work. Cutting up lettuce for a salad this time. He idly wondered where she had been all morning as he got back into the rhythm, soon enough a steady chop chop sound was filling the kitchen again.

"Waaaah, Shiki-san! That's enough for now," Kohaku told him as she came back from setting the table. "I'll take care of the rest so why don't you go wash up before dinner?"

Shiki gave her a slight grin as he put down the knife in his hands.

"You still have to finish grilling all the meat don't you? Let me just finish this salad so that you can get on with that." True to his words he grabbed two of the carrots nearby and started dicing them up.

"Shiki-saaan. Akiha-sama will tell me off if she catches you helping me so much again," Kohaku wagged her finger at Shiki as she encouraged him to leave. "She will give me another lecture on how its unbecoming for the oldest scion of the Tohno family to work in the kitchens. So if you please, leave it to me."

Shiki nodded absentmindedly and finished shredding the carrot he had been working on before putting the cooking knife down. Kohaku had a point though, Akiha would give him a variant of the same lecture if she saw him life this. She could be such an uncute sister sometimes.

His train of thought drifted on from there as he wiped his hands clean with a paper towel. Shiki often thought it would be rather nice to have a cuter little sister, one who would call him nii-san with a soft voice as she fed him some of the bento she had personally made for him.

All of a sudden there was a muffled giggle in his mind. Having never heard the sound before Shiki was at a loss as to its origins when he saw Ren trembling where she lay.

"Ren? Are you alright?" asked Shiki.

In reply the dream familiar opened one eye to look in his direction. When Shiki met her gaze he found himself falling into one of Ren's daydreams again.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

"Nii-san open wide."

Hmmm? What was going on? Shiki opened his eyes to find out, and nearly fell backwards after seeing who it was.

"Akiha?"

The girl who looked like, yet couldn't be, Akiha blinked and back away a little so that she was no longer staring him in the face.

"Nii-san?" she responded in a warmer version of Akiha's voice.

Shiki examined her from head to toe. He wasn't quite believing what was going on here. Akiha was dressed in his high school's uniform, with her long hair pulled into curly twin-tails that somehow softened her looks from those of an icy yamato nadeshiko to something similar to one of the cuter popular idols. She was also holding out a pair of chopsticks with a shrimp tempura grasped between them.

Come to think of it. What was he doing out here in his high school backyard? He had graduated months ago.

"Nii-san, it will get cold unless you don't eat it soon," said this impossible mirage. "Here you go, say 'Ahhhh'."

When she held out her chopsticks with a faint blush on her face, Shiki stopped caring. So what if this was a daydream? Daydreams, BANZAI!

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

"Shiki-san? Shiki-san!"

A slight pinch on his cheek brought Shiki back into reality.

"Huh? Kohaku?" Disoriented Shiki looked about himself. He was back in the kitchen, where had the tempura gone?

Kohaku stared at him with a hard to understand look in her eyes.

"Shiki-san, you were just standing there with an... A... Strange, expression on your face." Kohaku stuttered out.

"I was? Oh..."

Frowning, Shiki remembered what had just happened and glared at the cat. Damn it, Ren, he thought to her, I told you not to do that when other people were watching.

With a disdainful sniff the cat picked herself up from where she had been lying and left the room. Shiki rolled his eyes and was about follow her when he spotted a piece of paper on the benchtop where Ren had just been. Picking it up he read what was written there.

Play with me!

- Arcueid

"Shiki-san? What is it?" inquired the ever curious mistress of the kitchen.

"Nothing, just a reminder that I have something to do tomorrow." Shiki put the note away in his pocket. If Akiha found out he would definitely find the door to his room locked and bolted when he woke up the next day.

Thinking about Akiha made Shiki remember the dream Ren had sent him. Turning to face Kohaku he asked her a question.

"Hey Kohaku, does Akiha know how to cook?" Shiki knew it was a forlorn hope but he could at least dream.

Kohaku was taken unawares by the bolt out of the blue and took her time to answer him.

"No, I don't think so, Shiki-san," she replied carefully before warming to the subject. "At least, I've never heard of her doing anything like that. And I would know if she had come into the kitchens here."

"Tsk," well there went one of his delusions. "How uncute."

With that dream dispelled Shiki left the kitchens to take a shower before dinner.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Unbeknownst to him or Kohaku another pair of ears had overheard their short conversation. Hands clenched into fists so tight that trickles of blood started flowing when Shiki made his final statement.

"Uncute am I, nii-san," said the icy voice. "We'll see about that..."

After uttering that frightening promise Akiha stalked off, presumably back to her room to treat the self-inflicted wounds on her palms.

Once she was certain Akiha was gone Ren peeked out from behind the grandfather clock where she had been hiding. Her master's sister could get scary at times, but this development promised to be interesting, both for her and her master.

With that in mind she happily headed out for the veranda. Hisui always left her a dish of milk at about this time of day and she wanted to quench her thirst.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

The next day...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

"Hahahahaha! Shiki, look at that. That person looks so silly in that costume!"

Shiki gave Arcueid an indulgent smile before he looked around and sighed. As a beautiful foreigner Arcueid would have garnered enough attention by merely existing in the same space as these everyday humans, but by laughing at something that wasn't even particularly funny she had managed to grab the attention of the whole studio audience.

"Hey, Arcueid. Arcueid?" Shiki grabbed her arm and gave her a little shake. "Could you cut back on the laughter a little? You are starting to distract everyone."

Arcueid stared up at him confusedly with streaming eyes. Seeing that confusion Shiki wondered what any of the Dead Apostles would think if they were watching this show. Would they recognise the White Princess of the True Ancestors? The executioner of the twenty-six? The bogeyman that even the most powerful among them feared? Would they even believe that this was her?

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

In an old fortress half-buried in the sands of the Ivory Coast a phonecall was received.

"Dead Apostle Executioner Watch Hotline, this is the Dark Six speaking. How can we help you?"

The receiver's expression first seemed mildly interested, then took on a slightly disbelieving look.

"... Japanese T.V.? It's on right now? Well... Okay..."

A clawed finger pressed a button on a remote that lay on the antique table. On the far wall one of the dozens of plasma screens switched from displaying a Russian ballet to a Japanese game show.

The receiver held at his ear, one of the the Dark Apostles that called themselves the Dark Six watched this bizarre display of human behaviour at its worst for a moment before shaking his head.

"No, sorry. You have the wrong person," he told the person on the other end of the line. He pointed a finger at the screen even though there was no possibility that they could see him.

"_That_ cannot be the White Princess." An angry burbling. "What do you mean, why? Do you really think the executioner of the True Ancestors is going to be sitting in the audience of a human game show laughing hysterically? With a weedy human male wearing such dorky glasses beside her at that? Nope, sorry. This ain't her. Thanks for calling though."

He hung up, and shook his head. Really, youngsters these days. They just didn't stop to think at all.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

"Ahh, that was fun!" Arcueid yelled out as she stretched out her arms. This did interesting things to her chest that caused heads to turn and a car or two to screech to a halt as she walked by.

Shiki shook his head at her exuberance and tried to get the spots out of his sleeve. Fun for Arcueid maybe but he had felt like melting into the seat under the wilting glares that had been directed towards them as the show progressed. What had happened afterwards hadn't been all that pleasant either. He had been jumped by seven of the men who had been in the audience when he had gone to the toilet. With Arcueid still suffering at times from suppressing her bloodlust he had had a tough time beating them all down while not spilling even one drop of that dangerous red liquid. He had succeeded in the end but one particularly fat guy had thrown up on his arm. So not cool.

"Hey, Shiki," Arcueid said to him as she turned around to latch onto his arm. This caused not a few scowls to appear on nearby faces. "Can we do this again sometime?"

Shiki shook his head sadly. "Sorry Arcueid, but today was a special occasion. That show is usually produced in Tokyo but they've been going around the country to do special episodes." He shrugged. "They probably won't be coming back here, and there aren't any other shows that we could go to easily."

Well that wasn't strictly true, but after what had happened today there was no way Shiki was letting Arcueid anywhere _near_ Ninja Challenge. She would probably do something stupid like jumping in and participating herself if he did.

Arcueid's face fell, "Oh... But I wanted to see it again..."

Seeing her look so sad made something in his heart twinge in pain. As well as having the effect of turning the glares that the men on the streets were directing at him from "Damn that lucky SOB" to "Go off and die in a hole somewhere you lousy little shit, how dare you make her sad!". Circumstances demanded that something be done.

Inspiration struck, and Shiki brightened up when he realised how he could cheer Arcueid up while avoiding any more incidents like today.

"Hey, Arcueid. You don't have to go to a studio to watch that kind of show you know."

"Huh?" Arcueid exclaimed in surprise.

"You can watch all that at your apartment," Shiki thought it over. "I could even set it all up for you today if you really wanted me to. All we need to do is - Wha! Arcueid!"

Falling under Arcueid's ecstatic assault Shiki found his feelings split as to how this had turned out. For one thing Arcueid was happy again, and a happy Arcueid was... Uh... A not-so-trouble-prone Arcueid. For another...

Shiki freed his head from Arcueid's warm embrace and looked around, what he saw made him sigh again.

For another thing, it looked like he was going to have to fight again on the way home. Why did this have to happen every time he went on a date with her?

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Later that night...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

A grunt of pain escaped from Shiki's mouth as he patched up the newest gouges in his leg. Akiha had gone overboard on the traps again, the last one had come within a hair's breadth of killing him. He had barely escaped by cutting up the wire holding his left leg but he had accidentally cut himself in the process. It looked like he was going to have to talk to her once more to try and get her to ease up on the traps. How extreme they were didn't bother him all that much, it was good training, but if some thieves intruded upon the grounds again they would have a much harder time persuading the police of their innocence. The last police investigation had been much more thorough than usual and had turned up some interesting facts about the mansion that Shiki hadn't known about. They hadn't found any of the missing robbers though, as Shiki had known they wouldn't.

They were all buried in Kohaku's garden...

Shiki was about to leave for his midnight rendevous when a familiar voice called out to him.

"Tohno-kun? What are you doing out so late at night?"

Recognising Ciel's voice Shiki turned around to greet her.

"Hey there, Sempai. On patrol again?" he asked with an insolent grin on his face.

Ciel smacked him on the head with a black key that seemed to magically materialise in her hand.

"Yes, Tohno-kun," she answered, ignoring his exclamation of pain. "Or rather, I'm just finishing up for the night. It's more a formality then anything else these days. There aren't many vampires left in this country, let alone this city."

Rubbing his head where he had been hit Shiki tagged along behind her as Ciel headed downtown. Her clerical robe shifted into street clothes as he watched, a process that as always defied belief. No matter how much he had gotten used to Arcueid and Ciel, or even Akiha for that matter, perform physics-defying acts of strength and speed, he still couldn't get used to the idea of magic. He always put away the knowledge into a corner of his mind until reintroduced to the concept by something like what had happened just now. An instinctive defence perhaps. His mind's way of coping with all the unreal events that had taken over his reality in his latest period of his life.

In an attempt to clear his head of such pointless thoughts Shiki decided to strike up a conversation.

"What are you going to do now, sempai?" Ciel didn't usually talk much during or after a patrol so he wasn't expecting much, but he was curious. They were heading in the wrong direction for her to be returning to her house.

To his surprise Ciel turned to him with a big, big, grin on her face.

"They are having a midnight special at Messians today, Tohno-kun." Strong traces of excitement entered her voice as her eyes lit with zealous fervor. "All. You. Can. Eat. For just two thousand yen. Do you want to join me?"

Shaking his head Shiki backed away from Ciel's outstretched hand.

"Sorry sempai, but I promised to meet Arihiko today at a roadside stall we hang out at sometimes. It's been a while since we met up so..." Shiki bent his head apologetically.

"That's a shame, Tohno-kun. Say hello for Arihiko-kun for me," Ciel blinked and her head came up as if she had just thought of something. "Or even better Tohno-kun! Bring him with you! It's an all-you-can-eat so Arihiko-kun is sure to enjoy it!"

Shiki grimaced.

"Ah... Sorry, but I'd rather not?" At Ciel's sudden intense frown he held up his hands with his palms facing outwards in a gesture for her to calm down. "It's just that we've been eating a lot of curry whenever we meet lately, sempai. To tell you the truth I'm a little sick of it. Right now you couldn't tempt me with the best curry in the world." As he was saying all this Shiki glanced at the watch on his wrist. "Uh oh. I'm late. Sorry sempai, see you some other time!"

Ciel was frozen as Shiki ran off waving goodbye. The shadows around her seemed to rise up and curl about her as she stood there, and outraged expression evident on her face.

"How dare you insult the jewel of Asian cuisine," she muttered darkly. "You are sick of curry Tohno-kun? The best curry in the world couldn't tempt you, Tohno-kun? I will make you eat those words Tohno-kun. Fu, fu, fu."

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

And now...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

To Shiki's surprise Hisui was waiting for him when he got back from the university art scholarship interview. In was unusual because two months ago he had finally managed to persuade her to at least wait inside instead of standing watch at the gate like this. She looked a little downcast as well. Wondering what had happened Shiki walked up to the gate.

"Welcome home, Shiki-sama."

"Thank you for waiting, Hisui." Yep, Hisui seemed troubled by something. "Uh. Is anything wrong?"

Hisui looked at him with a despondent face before whispering, "Shiki-sama... Is my cooking really so bad compared to others?"

What to say. What to say... Hisui's sudden question was the only one he dreaded from her. There was no answer that he could give, because telling her the truth would devastate her, yet he couldn't force himself to give her the answer she wanted to hear. His natural reluctance to lie to someone he valued, coupled with the honesty of his body, made such a feat impossible.

"Uh... That is..." Shiki mumbled vague nothings as he tried to figure out how to phrase this so that he could give her an opinion that could mean something yet mean nothing.

"Never mind, Shiki-sama," Hisui was back to her normal cool, collected self. "Shiki-sama, it appears we have some guests for dinner."

"Guests?" Shiki wondered who these guests were to have Hisui so worried.

"One of them is Ciel-san."

Hisui's words were like a bombshell being dropped onto a calm reflecting pond. Even before she had finished speaking her name Shiki was already off and running to stop the inevitable clash between his sempai and his sister.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

It was almost too late by the time he sprinted into the lounge. Tensions had long-ago reached critical points and a black-robed executioner was facing off against the vermillion demon of the Tohno family. Desperate to stop the two from trying to kill each other (again) Shiki jumped into the middle with his knife clenched tight in his hand.

"Tohno-kun -."

"Nii-san -."

"_Get out of the way!_" The two woman shouted in unison, then they glared at each other around Shiki's body as if to say that the other was copying.

Shiki had often wondered why it was two people with such similar mindsets found it so hard to stay on civil terms with each other. Not that it mattered right now.

"Everyone, let's calm down shall we?" Shiki suggested as gently as he could. "What's going on here?"

Akiha growled, "This rude woman invaded our home, nii-san. Tell her to go away instead of coming around here to do silly things."

"Silly things?" Ciel repeated with a frown. "In that case who's sillier, Akiha-chan? At least I know how to cook properly."

Cook? Shiki was lost but he knew enough of the situation to know that it was deteriorating, fast.

"How dare you say that you dog of the Church?!" screeched Akiha in one of her rare bursts of fury.

Ciel laughed at that. "I dare because it's the truth, Akiha-chan. Admit it, you don't have any feminine instinct, just like that flat chest of yours."

Crap... The forbidden phrase. Even Ciel seemed to pause as she realised what she had just said.

"Flat chest?" Akiha muttered as her hands scrabbled to find something they could crush. "You dare to say in front of Nii-san that I have a flat chest?" Akiha's head came up, cerulean eyes blazed as her vermillion hair radiated out like a fiery aura. "Die, you freaking cow."

Shiki lowered his center of gravity as he prepared himself for the worst. Behind him he felt Ciel get into a combat stance. Deprived of immortality she may have been, but Ciel was still one of the most formidable humans on the planet. Akiha was not guaranteed to win a fight against her.

Then, like a light of salvation shining down upon the world out of a gap in the clouds, help arrived from a most unexpected quarter.

"Akiha-sama! Calm down!" Kohaku shouted as she stabbed Akiha in the arm with a needle. Akiha went wide-eyed for a second or two before falling to her knees, her hair back to its normal black colour.

"Whew," Kohaku noticed Ciel and Shiki standing by. "Do you two need some relaxants too?" she asked with a demonic smile. "There's plenty to go around."

Shiki would have sworn then that a dark aura had wrapped around Kohaku then, throwing shadows across the maid's face to turn her visage into one that could grace the character of a main villain in a sci-fi story with no problems.

The two still standing vigorously shook their heads. Kohaku wasn't a superhuman by any means, yet she was capable of frightening them at times.

"Uh... So, Ciel-sempai. Mind explaining what's going on here?" Shiki asked when they were all seated.

Ciel blushed like the schoolgirl she wasn't.

"Kyaaa! This is a little embarrassing, but I came here to cook dinner for you tonight, Tohno-kun." She brought her hands up to cover her crimson cheeks as she said this.

"Cook for me?" Shiki wasn't sure he had heard correctly. "What? Why?"

Ciel's eyes turned serious.

"Do you remember how we were talking three weeks ago? That time when I had just finished my patrol?" Shiki nodded and Ciel continued. "Well, I just thought that you needed to be awakened to the true beauty of Asia's culinary crown jewel, so I came to make you the Imperial Curry. Uh... Tohno-kun? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Shiki could feel his face set in a disbelieving expression. Kohaku and Akiha, who had just woken up again, were staring at Ciel too. Did that mean the two had gotten into a fight without even explaining anything to each other? Geez, why couldn't these two get along? And what was an imperial curry anyway?

Akiha jumped up, surprising Shiki who knew from past experience how effective Kohaku's medicines were.

"You can't do that! If you are going to cook do it at your own house. Because... Because..." Akiha's voice trailed off as she looked down at her hands, the ends of her fingers touching each other as she played with them nervously, a habit of hers he hadn't seen her display since they were children.

"Because the one who cooks him dinner today... Is going to be me..." She finally finished.

Wait. Akiha was going to cook? Shiki turned around to face Kohaku, she looked as surprised as he felt. Was this the first she was hearing about this too? What was Akiha thinking? She hadn't even picked up a pot before and she was going to cook?

The argument between the two of the women in Shiki's life started up again as he thought everything over. The insults they traded and the verbal blows they delivered to each other paled next to the potential for disaster that was involved with either of them cooking.

Shiki was about to try and tell them to leave dinner to Kohaku when a voice he hadn't ever expected to hear again interrupted him.

"Shiki is currently thinking that both of you are simply not trustworthy when it comes to cooking dinner. Additionally, he thinks that Akiha in particular is dangerous due to lack of experience in the culinary arts."

Shiki reflected too late that Hisui had said 'guest[b]**s**[/b]" when she met him at the door. He should have realised that this meant more than one person had come. It seemed that like an unwanted half-yen coin this person had come rolling back into his life again, no doubt to turn it inside out again like she had last time.

"Hey Sion," Shiki greeted her as he turned around.

He would have asked "How are you?" but there was no need, not when Sion had her etherlite attached to him.

"I'm good thank you Tohno-san." Sion told him with a nod. Then she too blushed, provoking a dreadful premonition within Shiki that he couldn't act upon without killing her, not something he was going to do anytime soon.

"Shiki," Sion said in an embarrassed tone. "If you would like I could cook for you instead..."

"WHAT?!"

Akiha and Ciel turned on this new threat together. Glancing at each other after their simultaneous exclamation they nodded. Get rid of this poacher first, that glance said. Then we will sort it all out between us. Sion must have felt their hostility, backing away a little from Shiki she got into a combat position, invisible strands of etherlite forming an impenetrable wall around her.

Forgotten for the moment Shiki and Kohaku sighed. This looked to be the beginning of another wild and wacky night at the Tohno mansion.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

"LOOK OUT SHIKI!"

The tension in the air was broken by the arrival of a projectile crashing through the window of the lounge before landing upon Shiki, knocking out his breath and bringing him to the floor in the same instant.

When he tried to get up again he found his face was being pressed down upon by a ample bosom that he had become intimately familiar with.

"Arcueid?" he mumbled as best as he could with one of the soft but firm objects threatening to cover his mouth.

"Eyaaah, don't do that Shiki, it tickles," Arcueid answered with a giggle.

Every other female in the room was glaring at this new combatant on the scene, and one of them in particular.

"Indecent..." Akiha was trembling in anger again, pointing a shaky finger at Arcueid. "Seducing him like that in front of all these people with those monstrosities. How dare you!"

Arcueid only pouted at her in response, "I'm not doing anything to Shiki, imouto-chan. How are you anyway? Haven't seen you in a while." Arcueid gave Akiha an encouraging smile and leaned her body upon her elbows, which had the effect of pressing her chest even more firmly against Shiki's face.

"Don't call me imouto-chan you damned vampire! Get out of my house!" screamed Akiha.

"Eh? Isn't this Shiki's house as well?" Arcueid's head sank down, the change in angle pressing her cleavage right in front of Shiki's wild eyes. "Hey Shiki, Akiha's being mean to me again. Can't you tell her to stop?"

The executioner and the alchemist had been watching this byplay from the sidelines, but now made a silent alliance. The vampire had to be dealt with. Tohno-kun's flat-chested sister was no threat to their corps but the vampire most definitely was. Their own arguments could be sorted out later.

"Mmmph, mmph," Shiki tried to say something but his voice was muffled by Arcueid's breast being firmly pressed against his mouth.

"Hmmm? What did you say Shiki?" Arcueid asked him, ignoring the dark glares that the other girls were cursing her with.

"Mmmmph!"

"Speak up Shiki, I can't understand you."

Kohaku reached out to touch Arcueid on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, Arcueid-san?"

"Yes?"

"It might help if you stood up and let him breathe."

"Oh. Oops." Arcueid leapt to her feet and reached down to pull Shiki up as well. "Sorry, Shiki. You are alright aren't you?"

"Yeah, I'm good, but -," Shiki looked at the rest of the people in the room and swallowed nervously. "Uh... So what did you come here for Arcueid?" he asked in an effort to release some of the deadly atmosphere that had built up.

Arcueid stopped at that, crinkling her forehead cutely as she closed her eyes to think. After a while she opened her eyes and shrugged.

"Sorry," she said in a cheerful voice that held not a hint of apology. "I can't remember. Oh, now that I am here though, do you want me to cook something for you, Shiki? One of those shows on T.V. was on cooking and... Uh... Shiki, why are they all looking at me like that?"

The instant Arcueid had asked "do you want me to cook something for you" Shiki had felt the temperature drop by about a hundred degrees under the effects of the killing glares that were being deployed by most of the other females in the room. He was wondering how he was going to get everyone out of this alive when Hisui entered the lounge to announce the arrival of the last surprise of this eventful day.

"Shiki-sama!" Hisui called out as she ran in. Unusually for her Hisui looked panicked.

"There's a strange woman at the door who keeps asking for you, Shiki-sama." She told him tearfully. "I haven't seen her before so I asked her to leave but -."

BOOM, SWAAAAH.

A fierce gust blew through the lounge, forcing all the occupants to close their eyes. However this was nothing compared to the intense blue light that suddenly illuminated the room. Even through their eyelids all those present had their vision temporarily taken from them by the glare.

When Shiki was able to see again he couldn't make out much beyond the moonlit trees that... Wait a second. He was in the lounge. They couldn't see any moonlit trees from there! Where had the wall gone to?!

Shiki stood up and shuffled over to where the lounge wall had been till just a moment ago. His hands met air and after a few stumbling steps Shiki found himself tripping against a fallen brick and ended up sprawled across the ground.

He heard heavy footsteps march towards him, stopping just before they intersected with his head. A sense of deja vu filled him, could this be?

"Hey, you shouldn't really lie down in a place like that," he heard a welcome voice say. "Someone could come and kick you without realising it."

"Who's going to kick me here?" Shiki asked.

He heard a woman utter an amused laugh, "You sure don't learn do you Shiki-kun, isn't this the third time I'm telling you that I'm the one that might kick you?"

Shiki's vision finally cleared up, allowing him to see a face he hadn't ever expected to see again after their last parting.

"Sensei," he said with a smile.

"Blue..." muttered Arcueid, Ciel and Sion behind him.

The cast had finally gathered, all that remained now was for the stage to be set and for the main event to begin.

**WN: Part 2 of this wont be up for a while, too annoying to modify the documents from phpbb format to plain text**


	3. Chapter 3

The arrival of Miss Blue on the scene had forced all parties involved in the fracas to re-evaluate their positions. Three of them already knew who she was and what she was capable of, those who hadn't were quickly informed.

"She did _what?!_" Akiha exclaimed before returning to the hushed conversation the girls were carrying out at the far side of the lounge, next to the entrance of the kitchen.

Shiki and Aoko were chatting as they watched the consternation that was spreading among the girls as Aoko's exploits were revealed to the ignorant. Trusting blindly in the person he had always called 'sensei', Shiki told her about all that had happened since her last visit, and all the troubles he had been having. Most if not all of them caused by the girls in his life.

Upon hearing this Aoko laughed.

"Hahahaha! Good work Shiki-kun! Do you use any special deodorant or anything of the kind? No?" Aoko's gazed wistfully at the near full moon. "What a shame. If we could bottle it and sell it I'm sure we could make millions. I mean you have what four, no five, of the prettiest girls in Japan falling for you. I never expected you to grow up to be such a playboy, Shiki-kun! Are there any more around?" She gave him a playful shove as she said this.

Shiki frowned, "No, Sensei... There aren't any more (Shiki felt a strange little sensation of forgetting something here but shrugged and went on) and I'm not playing around with them." Remembering some of what he had had to suffer through he then stared up at the heavens with a despairing sigh. "In fact it's more like they are all playing with me. These days I feel like some squeaky toy that a pack of dogs are fighting over."

Neither of them said anything for a while, taking the chance to relax and get comfortable. To their regret this moment of tranquillity did not last long. The girls had been talking amongst themselves all this while, and had finally come up with a compromise they could all agree on.

They came over to surround Shiki and Aoko. The magic gunner who so often went on destructive rampages for trivial reasons chose to wave aside the implied threat in the eyes of all the girls and sat back to see what would happen.

"Nii-san," Akiha addressed Shiki, apparently on behalf of the entire group. "We've decided that, since fighting amongst ourselves would draw too much attention, we are going to have a little competition instead." The other girls nodded, ignoring the mutters Ciel tacked on to the end about how some people wouldn't be missed.

Cornered like a rat Shiki had a bad feeling about all this but had no choice but to go along for now.

"That's nice, Akiha," he tried a tremulous smile, which faded soon enough when only Arcueid returned the gesture. "That way you can all get to know each other a little better."

"Oh, I think we know each other well enough by now, Tohno-kun," Ciel said dryly.

Heartfelt agreements from the others. Shiki's premonition of danger got that much stronger.

"Ah... So what does that have to do with me?" he asked nervously.

Arcueid cheerfully answered him, "You are the prize! Isn't it great, Shiki? I suggested it. We can spend a whole day together without any of the others bothering us after I win you!"

While the other girls angrily challenged Arcueid's assumptions of easy victory Shiki tried to stay calm and rational as he absorbed what Arcueid had just told him. A prize? For a competition amongst these four? Kohaku, who had until then been standing quietly behind the others, met his panicked eyes and smiled while brandishing a syringe and a knife. No, five then. He wasn't going to be getting any help there. Oh lord, why did Arcueid always have to do this to him?

Aoko's cool voice cut through the rising tempers to bring the whole conversation back on track.

"So girls, when and where do you intend to have this competition of yours?" she asked while patting Ren. The cat had climbed onto her lap after deciding it was the safest place to be considering the circumstances.

Miss Blue's question united the divided parties in opposition.

"It will be held as soon as possible but -," began Akiha, but she was interrupted halfway through her sentence.

"Don't even think of involving yourself in this, Blue," Arcueid warned the idling mage. She looked serious for once, her eyes shining gold in the dim light only reinforced her sudden change in attitude.

"Wouldn't dream of it Ojou-chan," Aoko said casually, she waved off the whole idea. "I was thinking that I would be a judge, along with that maid over there." She pointed at Hisui.

Hisui seemed startled that she was being pulled into the mess, by a stranger at that.

"Me?" Hisui pointed at herself.

"Sure," Aoko replied. "You seem to be the only one who doesn't care what the results are. While we are at it however let's get the cat to judge as well." Aoko looked down at Ren's surprised face. "Can you do that miss kitty?"

Ren yowled a response, holding up a paw in confirmation.

"Wait a second! Don't I get a say in all this?" Shiki jumped in desperately. Even Sensei had betrayed him!

"Prizes don't talk, Shiki." Shiki found that he could no longer open his mouth as Sion approached him. "They don't run away either." Shiki's escape attempt was aborted when strands of etherlite wrapped themselves around his legs. Toppling him like a tree that has been cut down.

A few violent minutes later the girls were discussing things in a slightly more relaxed manner. The prize had been secured and even he would need some time before he could get out of the ropes restraining him. If it could even be done at all. With that problem out of the way only the question of where the competition was to take place needed to be decided.

"Hiring a restaurant is out of the question, Ciel-san." Kohaku grimaced. "Especially not an Indian restaurant."

"Why not?" Protested the executioner.

Kohaku sighed, "Most restaurants have work areas for only two chefs, the rest of the space is divided into work areas for various underlings who work on specific dishes. I can't think of any restaurant in this city that will have the extensive equipment we would require. Not to mention that they only keep certain varieties of ingredients. No, holding the event in an Indian restaurant would be unfair on everyone else."

The opinions went back and forth for a while longer, with Aoko occasionally interjecting a random comment that had everyone stopping in confusion before they returned to their argument. Then, a set-up that no one had any opposition to came out of an unexpected source.

"Oh! I know!" Arcueid shouted. "Everone, here!"

She reached _into_ the air at her side and dragged down. When she was finished there was a hole in the universe that hung in the air, bordered by flickering blue flames. However the hole wasn't what drew everyone's attention. That was done by what could be seen within that landscape that had been revealed.

Shining silver in the eternal moonlight, the Millennium Castle stood proudly over the flowered fields that stretched out into eternity. The delicately shaped ivory towers and the mirror-like expanse of the spotless castle walls made a mockery of the poor cousins to this structure that man had built over the centuries. If ever there was a structure that could have been said to combine all the virtues of utility and beauty in one perfect body, this was it.

Even that however wasn't what had grabbed the attentions of all those who had been introduced to this marvellous creation of Arcueid's will for the first time. That honour belonged to the huge stage that had been set up in the middle of the field of flowers. Presenting a very strange counterpoint to the wonderous building behind it.

"That looks exactly like the outdoor stage for Iron Chefs..." murmured Kohaku.

Arcueid beamed when she heard Kohaku say that.

"It does doesn't it? Doesn't it?" Arcueid went glitter-eyed as she reminisced. "Ah~. Human T.V. is so fun, I watched the rerun of all of last year's episodes on cable. I thought it would be perfect for something like this."

Shiki's mouth had been gagged but there was nothing wrong with his eyes and ears. Seeing what Arcueid had prepared and hearing how she had learnt of it he cursed himself for a blithering idiot. Why had he thought introducing a vampire princess who was still unfamiliar with pop culture to cable was a good idea?

"Okay then people! We are ready to start," Aoko announced. "You have an hour to get any ingredients you might need, meet back here when you are done."

All those who were participating left to obtain what ever they needed. Ciel, Sion and Arcueid rushed off outside while Akiha picked up a phone. Kohaku, so far ignored by the rest as being insignificant to the grand scheme of things, slipped unnoticed in the kitchens while humming a creepy tune.

Watching all this Shiki glared at his sensei, still not quite able to take in the fact that she had let this happen to him.

Aoko met his glare with a cheerful smile.

"Buck up, Shiki-kun," she told him. She pat his head and straightened his shirt collar which had been tugged out of position while he was being tied up. "Just think of this as divine punishment for leading all these girls along." She was guffawing as she said that last bit.

Shiki groaned as Aoko broke out into hysterical laughter. For the last time, he wanted to shout. I'm not a playboy Sensei!

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

His woes were only compounded one hour later when everyone came back.

Arcueid had dragged him along behind him, and without warning had jumped up into the air with him still in her hands. Shiki was still dizzy from vertigo when they stopped, still nearly five hundred feet above the ground.

"Okay, you should be safe enough here, Shiki," Arcueid told him with a smile while Shiki struggled to make it clear to her that he had been quite safe enough on the ground. "Wait here for me to come and claim you okay?" Ignoring Shiki's muffled protests she waved and jumped back down to the ground. "See you in a biiiiit!"

Shiki wanted to cry again, he really did. They said the road to hell was paved with good intentions. No doubt then that if Arcueid ever died she was a prime candidate for a journey below.

**The Satsujinki Cooking Diaries**

**Recipe 3 - Kitchen Warfare, Part Two**

The competition kicked off with an explosive display of magic that filled the sky over the castle with sparkling blue lights. Working within that illumination Aoko stepped into her role of judge and informal host with aplomb.

"In the purple area! The genius alchemist from Atlas, hoping to get a date with her first crush (I AM NOT! came the shout from the competitor, ignored by the host)! Sion, Eltnam, Atlasia!"

"In the red area! The yamato nadeshiko of the Tohno Family, the bro-con who wishes to make her dreams come true (WHO'S A BRO-CON?!)! Akiha Tohno!"

"Eagerly awaiting the start of the competition in the blue area! The deadly executioner of the Church with a curry-laden waistline (EXCUSE ME?!)! Ciel... Uh... Something or rather..."

Aoko interrupted her presentation to give Ciel an apologetic look before returning to her hosting role. Ciel was too busy responding to Arcueid's taunts to see her, but the gesture had still been made. That was enough for Aoko's whimsical conscience.

"One of the stronger contenders in this competition, cooking in the white area. The Ditzy Princess of the True Ancestors (A whispered question from Arcueid to Sion, "what does ditzy mean?")! Arcueid Brunestud!"

"Finally, but definitely not the least! The dark horse of the competition, the maid of a thousand schemes (for an instant a dark aura seems to appear around the smiling maid)! Kohaku! Tell me your last name later..."

Satisfied that all the prerequisites for an event like this had been met Aoko nodded to herself and raised her hand.

"Everyone. Ready, steady, Cook!" With the fall of Aoko's hand the five women competing went into frantic motion. With nothing to do for a while she then returned to her place beside Hisui. Getting the cute lap warmer called Ren back from the shy maid Aoko sprawled out on the bed of flowers to get comfortable.

Aoko tossed away the carrot she had been using in place of a mike. A cooking competition between a vampire princess, a Chuch burial squad member, a genius alchemist, a scion of a family that carried demonic blood in their veins and a maid who had struck her as being Machiavelli's finest student? There was no way this wasn't going to end in disaster.

She looked forward to the results.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Forgotten by everyone Shiki was shivering as the cool breeze chilled his immobile body to the bones. He wasn't sure how long it had been since Arcueid had put him up here but surely it had been long enough? He was going to freeze to death at this rate.

"Hey! Someone? Help?" shouted Shiki.

The wind scattered his voice to the corners of the pocket dimension, not that anyone would have heard him over the racket the girls were making.

Five hundred feet below Shiki's precarious vantage point, the competition was starting to heat up.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Initially each of the girls had focussed on their cooking, but with the kinds of personalities gathered here there wasn't a chance that things would end this way.

The first move came from Akiha. In a pre-emptive strike upon her two arch-enemies she used her heat-stealing powers to chill Ciel and Arcueid's dishes while they weren't looking. She then happily returned to marinating her teriyaki chicken fillet.

Understandably she wasn't experienced enough in the culinary arts to note that the teriyaki sauce seemed to have changed colour in the brief moment she had been distracted. Sion giggled softly as she watched Akiha out of the corner of her eyes. There is now a 87% chance that you have lost, she thought as Akiha spread the slightly green-tinged sauce over her chicken.

Still distracted by her amusement over Akiha's fatal mistake she reached out to grab one of the lemons she planned to use in her main dish. Taking the first one that came to hand she never suspected a thing as she started peeling it.

Kohaku walked back to where her tuna was marinating nicely. She was smiling as she usually was. If there was a hint of another emotion lurking beneath that smile a casual acquaintance wasn't likely to be able to point it out.

While Arcueid cooked on oblivious to the way her sauce had gone lumpy all of a sudden, Ciel paused just before she was about to add a pinch of cinnamon to her curry. Poking the congealing yellow mass the contents of her pot had become she frowned before her head spun about to lock deadly eyes on a certain bratty high-schooler. Currently cooking on as if nothing had happened with her back to Ciel and Arcueid. The blue-haired executioner's hands twitched, moving in ways that brought to mind a cat bringing out its claws, frighteningly, Ciel then smiled and returned to her work. If one of her black keys happened to go flying from her hand to thud into the chopping board mere millimetres away from Akiha's hand, well, accidents happened in a kitchen, especially if you were using long swords to do your cooking.

It was the signal for open hostilities to begin. Etherlite and black keys began filling the air as dishes went cold and cooking utensils crumbled. Arcueid and Kohaku generally stayed out of it, one due to being ignored and the other because she was too caught up in cooking to notice.

Then, a fatal mistake on the part of the three battling chefs.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Akiha cried out in blatant innocence as she launched a bulb of garlic at Ciel. The executioner ducked and the missile continued upon its path.

All the way to Arcueid's face.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

"Thing's seem to have taken a turn for the worse, Aozaki-san," commented Hisui as she refilled Aoko's cup of tea.

"Hmm, Arcueid's gotten involved now," Aoko said as she watched the vampire princess join the melee with an unorthodox weapon, a fresh bluefin tuna that she picked up from Kohaku's bench. "That ought to stir up the competition a little."

She smiled at the maid by her side. The two of them had been exchanging their stories about Shiki when he had been a child and had formed the beginnings of a good friendship while they were at it. An unexpected combination to be sure. The quiet maid in her french uniform was the last person anyone would have said to be a good match with the outspoken and freewheeling magic-user.

For herself Hisui looked a little unnerved by all the chaos taking place just fifty metres from where they were sitting. Doubly so when Aoko had to blast a ricocheting black key out of the air to stop it from skewering her.

"Will Akiha-sama and Nii-san be alright, Aozaki-san?" Hisui asked as her eyes flickered nervously from the very long sword now embedded in the ground two metres away to her fellow 'judge'. "And everyone else for that matter. I doubt Shiki-sama wishes to see anyone hurt."

Hearing the emotion in the phrase 'Shiki-sama' Aoko looked away at that to avoid revealing the mirth in her eyes. She was wondering by now if Shiki was one of those people who excelled in one field, in his case killing, and were complete morons when it came to anything else. Just talking to this girl for ten minutes had made it clear to her that she was just as infatuated with her friend and one-time 'student' as any of the girls out there. She just didn't display it as obviously as they did.

"Oh they should all be okay, Hisui-san," the magic-user carefully studied the kind of tactics the girls were using to make sure this would be the case. "See, they are settling down already."

And indeed they were. Noticing that while they were fighting their dishes were getting ruined the combat ground to a halt as each individual hurried back to their stations to rescue what they could of their meals. This didn't mean they stopped casting annoyed glances at each other, and occasionally an insult would be backed by more physical blows. Aoko observed one more quick exchange before she lazily threw herself back onto the ground again.

"Half and hour should do the trick."

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Forty minutes later the bruised and battered girls were standing in front of Aoko, Hisui and Ren with the meals they had prepared laid out in front of them. Thirty minutes of frantic cooking hadn't been enough to repair all the damage that had already been done. Although the dishes ranged from traditional Mediterranean style to modern Japanese most consequently had one fact in common.

They were somewhat... Misshapen.

"And first up is Sion-san," Aoko had returned to her role of judge and host of this ramshackle competition. "She's opted to go with a traditional North African/Mediterranean dish for her main, Chicken Tajine with Lemons and Olives I believe?" Aoko directed an inquiring glance towards Sion and waited for her nod before she continued her narration. "And as a side dish we have Oummok Houria, spicy carrot soup for anyone who doesn't know, a nice counterpoint to the tanginess of the Tajine. Finally, I see that there are stuffed dates as a dessert. Always nice to have something sweet to round out the meal. Now let's see how the other judges grade it on presentation."

She pointed at Hisui and Ren, the latter of whom was now in her human form. After a silent discussion which involved a lot of hand motions and staring the two held up signs with "4" and "5" written on them.

"Not such a good start there, Sion-san, let's see what you did wrong." Aoko turned her attention to the dishes themselves. "Well for one thing the last time I had chiken tajine with lemons I'm pretty sure it was more yellow, not brown and black. A bit of overcooking there miss Alchemist?" While Aoko smiled at her Sion crossed her arms and glared at Akiha and Ciel. "Carrying on, the Oummok came out okay I see, but the dates." Here Aoko shook her head. "Those poor dates. Next time Sion-san, please remember that you should keep them clear of flour and other dusty substances." The dish in question was liberally sprinkled with flour, cinnamon, and the various other powders they had encountered as they rolled around or were thrown during the scuffle.

Sion's face showed a mix of embarrassment and anger as she received Aoko's criticism. She herself was quite ashamed about the matter. Her skill in the kitchens was something she was quite proud about, comparable nearly to her skill in a chemical lab. For her to obtain such poor results as this... Her glare should have set Akiha, Arcueid and Ciel on fire.

"I'll give you a 5 too. Moving on," The cheery magic-user chose a target at random. "Arcueid-san! I see you chose to take a simple approach there with the spaghetti and the pizza." Approaching Arcueid's block Aoko took a closer look at the dishes offered. "Hmmm, they look alright but I can see that the sauce for the spaghetti is a little watery. The pizza looks a little burnt around the edges as well, not too bad though. I would say it's a solid six. Hisui-chan, Ren-chan, your opinions please."

More silent conversation, with everyone else gathered there having no idea how the two were getting their points across. The decision was a bit quicker this time and they both turned to show cards with "7" written on them.

Arcueid seemed pleased enough with the score and was positively beaming as Sion pouted. Akiha and Ciel on the other hand seemed a little apprehensive.

Aoko scanned the remaining faces and leapt upon seeing Akiha was the most nervous about it.

"Akiha-chan! How well did your dishes come out?" there was no maliciousness or much of a point behind Aoko's question, yet it stung anyway. "Doesn't look that bad," Aoko ventured, then her eyes led her to the salad. "Ah... No comment. I would have given you an 8 but that salad... I say it's around a 5. Judges?"

Ren raised up a card almost immediately, with a 5 written on it. Hisui took a while longer, then finally raised a card with a 4 prominently featured in red ink.

"Hisui?!" Akiha exclaimed in surprise and consternation.

"Sorry, Akiha-sama," aplogised the maid. "But as Shiki-sama's maid I am under no obligation to rule in your favour. I will try my best to be an impartial judge."

Aoko clapped. "Nicely said, Hisui-chan! As of now Sion-san and Akiha-chan are tied for last with Arcueid-san, surprisingly enough, in the lead. Now what about you, Ciel-san?"

The executioner grimaced as the magic-user turned a critical eye, cultivated over five continents and thousands of meals grabbed where ever they could be found, over her work.

Initially at least the response was good.

"Oh? Could this be?" Aoko came closer and sniffed. "This delicate blend of chilli, curry and herbs... Is this the legendary imperial curry Ciel-san?"

"Yes it is," Ciel smiled, probably for the first time since entering the Tohno mansion earlier that night. "I got the recipe from the archives of a Dead Apostle I was hunting in India."

Aoko quirked an eyelash at that.

"Is that so? I would love to hear the story but let's leave that for later. Now, presentation." Aoko frowned. "What a shame, the curry itself smells very nice but it seems a little syrupy don't you think?" She then looked at the dishes that accompanied it as well, and her frown turned despondent. "You burnt the roti bread too, and the fried pachadi looks a little worse for the wear. I'm afraid I'll have to give you a 6 at best Ciel-san."

The other judges apparently agreed with her, they both gave Ciel sixes.

Aoko straightened up from her scrutiny of Ciel's cooking to peer about. Who was left? She couldn't readily bring up the name.

Spotting Kohaku in the background refreshed her memories and she extended a hand in a grand gesture.

"Finally it's our last contestant, Kohaku-san! With long experience as a cook in the Tohno mansion will she be able to overtake Arcueid-san for the lead?" The other girls jumped upon being reminded of the fact that they were currently losing to Arcueid. By the expressions that appeared they were grating their teeth in annoyance. Kohaku on the other hand only smiled serenely. Mona Lisa's smile that was, perfect and inscrutable.

Aoko went up to Kohaku's block and looked at the display. What she saw had her eyes opening up in delight.

"This is very nice, Kohaku-san!" she exclaimed.

And indeed it was. With no reason to restrain herself Kohaku had gone overboard on her preparations. The main dish was a steak of spicy barbecued tuna, marinated well and cooked on a grill to perfection. The shredded vegetables and other decoratives that lay around it were only the icing on the cake. Aside from that there were many other dishes, all variations of traditional favourites, that Kohaku had arranged for maximum effect. The end result was a glorious display that any avid critic of the culinary arts would have drooled to devour.

"This is a perfect 10!" Aoko shouted. "Hisui-chan?"

Hisui lifted up a 10 as well, shortly afterwards Ren followed suit, with a 9 at first before quickly changing it for a 10. If she seemed a little scared no one could place the cause, it most definitely didn't lie in the red-haired maid in the kimono who was looking at her with that serene smile in place.

The other contestants' faces were gloomy. They had been too busy trying to sabotage the other obvious rivals that they had forgotten about the weasel in their midst.

Aoko continued on, oblivious or uncaring of the situation.

"So at the end of the initial round we have Kohaku-san in the lead with 30 points, Arcueid-san firmly in second place at 20 points, Ciel close behind at 18 points and finally Sion-san and Akiha-san lagging far behind at 14 points each." Aoko motioned for Hisui to bring her suitcase/bag over to her, which the maid promptly did. "With that out of the way let's get onto the tasting round!"

Once she announced this Aoko surprised everyone by opening up the leather suitcase and taking out a knife and a fork, wrapped up in a neat bundle with a napkin around them.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

She had yet to take one bite when Kohaku raised her hand.

"Wait a second please, Aozaki-san. I'm not certain that you are suitable for this role," objected Kohaku.

The other girls nodded. Although they weren't feeling very well-disposed towards the bubbly maid at the moment they had all had their pride bruised by Aoko's criticisms. Having someone else as lead judge instead was sounding better and better.

With a forkful of grilled tuna halfway to her mouth Aoko paused and pouted.

"Are you saying I'm not qualified to judge the taste of your work?" she asked angrily.

Aoko was offended by that implication. How dare these little girls presume to pass judgement upon her ability to gauge the tastiness of a particular dish. She had eaten every manner of food in every corner of the world. She was a culinary critic beyond compare!

One of the rumours about Blue that had gotten around was her destructiveness, but another was in regards of her formidable stomach. The people gathered there hastened to reassure her that they weren't saying she was a bad judge, just inapproriate for this task.

"Since this competition was initially supposed to judge whose cooking Tohno-kun preferred, shouldn't we be getting Tohno-kun to judge the taste?" suggested Ciel.

"But..."

"There is a 64.48% chance that your tastes will differ significantly enough from Shiki's tastes to skew the results, Blue," Sion informed them after mumbling her way through a few calculations. "Please refrain from your current course of action."

"But..."

"I'll go get Shiki!" shouted Arcueid, she was jumping up onto the castle walls even before she finished talking.

Aoko sighed and put the fork in her mouth, tears of bitterness threatened to leak out as she savoured the perfectly balanced state of spiciness and richness that the tuna had been cooked to.

"But I'm hungry~" moaned the magic-user.

"There, there, Aozaki-san," Kohaku consoled her, the others were too flabbergasted at the childish way the dreaded Miss Blue was acting to do anything more than watch in silence. "You can have everything after Shiki-san has had a taste."

"Really?" The magic-user perked up again.

"Sure. After all he needs to keep his stomach empty enough to eat dinner with one of us afterwards."

Suffice it to say that the tension in the air rose another notch as Kohaku confidently smiled at the other girls.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Brought back down to good, solid earth, Shiki's initial reaction was to be thankful. When he realised what kind of scorpion pit he had just been thrown into he soon began to wish they had just left him up there.

"Uh... You want me to decide whose dish tastes the best?" Shiki apprehensively asked the gathered crowd.

Various affirmations from the girls, an uncaring flutter of a hand from Sensei.

Shiki felt his spirits sinking as he turned his attention to the food at question. Not only because of how it looked either. No, his concerns lay closer to the safety of his body.

Oh gods, Shiki thought in horror, they are effectively asking me to _choose_ one of them for a date in front of the others!

As he glanced nervously from Arcueid's beaming face to Akiha's warning frown, Shiki's terror did nothing but rise. Whether it was because of his connection to death or not, his sense for danger bordered on, nay, exceeded the supernatural. Right now that highly developed organ was telling him.

"Sorry kid, but I'm going on holiday for a while. Try not to break _every_ bone in your body, okay?"

Shiki gulped and turned back to the food that had been laid in front of him. Well there was that. The girls wouldn't actually be _trying_ to kill him, so he would at least get out alive. A prickly sensation at the back of his head made him turn. Ciel was watching him with cold blue eyes, the ones he had last seen while killing vampires by her side.

Correction, his mind announced, you will _probably_ get out of this alive.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

The girls watched avidly as he first tried a bit from one, then another and then another dish of food. When he reached the last one Shiki's hand was trembling due to the nervousness those intent gazes had caused. He couldn't even taste much past the fear that filled his mouth and heart.

"So Shiki, how do you think each of us performed?" Sion asked him. If she noticed that she was playing with some etherlite she had coiled into a whip she showed no signs of it.

"Hey, I'm still deciding!" Shiki said hurriedly while drinking another cup of water to cool his flaming mouth. Why in the world had Akiha decided that wasabi powder was a good addition to teriyaki sauce?

His audience growled at him, demanding that he hurry up with his decision.

Fully knowing that he was screwed no matter how he decided Shiki struggled with his options. Judging in Arcueid's favour was his first response, abandoned an instant later as his body reminded him of all the pain it had suffered in the past because he had favoured Arcueid over Akiha or Ciel. Kohaku then?

He peered at the girl who had effectively been the one to look after him since he had returned to the mansion. He had always thought that she regarded him more like a child than as her master, not that he really was, Kohaku was Akiha's private servant. Her presence as one of the participants in this insane competition was unexplained but he supposed it would be safe enough to go with her as his dinner partner.

Shiki was about to say her name when Kohaku turned around to whisper something to Sion. The words froze in his throat as he saw the empty syringes she held in the hand she had been hiding behind her back. As he coughed to cover his surprise he wondered how he had forgotten all the ways Kohaku too had made him suffer because she wanted to "test out a new medicine" on him. Shiki shuddered. If he went with her the dinner was likely to be laced with five different drugs, any one of which would be enough to make him wish he had chosen someone, anyone, else to eat dinner with.

Who then? Ciel was a definite non-contender. Nothing could set Arcueid and Akiha off as easily as mentioning he had favoured the blue-haired executioner over them in some regard. Sion? Maybe. But she would probably be breezing back to Greece or wherever the hell she came from as soon as she had obtained what she wanted. No, he needed someone who would be around to protect him until tempers had cooled and wiser heads prevailed.

With the air of a man trying to decide if a bullet in the back was preferable to jumping into shark-infested waters Shiki considered his last option. Choosing his sister over the others wasn't likely to set any of them off too badly. Kohaku for one would probably surrender without a fuss. The downside then was that he would have to contend with a sulky Arcueid and a pissed of sempai for however long as their moods lasted afterwards. Shiki then thought back to the last dish he had sampled and felt himself twitching. There was also the fact that he would be dealing with someone who had thought that teriyaki chicken was best served with enough wasabi to set a house on fire.

It was an impossible choice, Shiki reflected gloomily. There was no right answer, there were only wrong answers. In that case the course was clear. He could only drive straight into the middle and hope he came out the other side.

"Uhm..." Shiki raised his head to meet everyone's expectant stares. "Sorry girls, they all taste about the same to me." Shiki gave them all a sheepish smile and a shrug. "How about we all just go out for dinner to a restaurant somewhere? There is that new buffet that opened up at - ARGGHH!"

Covering Hisui's eyes with her free hand Aoko continued shovelling in food with her right hand as she watched Shiki being worked over by five girls who had just been insulted in the worst way possible. A little late to be thinking this now, but Aoko reflected that she should have taught Shiki a little about women while he was still a child. He had had a strange magnetism even back then she remembered.

Never, ever, tell a woman that you can't decide between her and another girl Shiki, Aoko thought to herself. You may as well be telling them that you don't regard them as anything more than another toy to be enjoyed and thrown away.

Aoko observed the way things were going and paused in her gluttony to emit a little sigh. Too late for certain, a shame that. She had quite liked Shiki.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

The next morning...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

"I'll be off then, Hisui-chan," Aoko smiled at the maid who was seeing her off. "Tell Shiki I'll write to him one of these days"

"I will, Aozaki-san," Hisui said with a rare smile of her own. "Take care."

Aoko was already walking away but waved carelessly back at her when Hisui told her to be careful. Her? Be careful? May as well tell a whale it had to be worry about being crushed by shrimp.

Hisui waited at the gate till the magic-user's fluttering red hair had disappeared from sight. Then, with that warm smile still on her face she turned around to return to her duties.

Last night had turned out quite happily for her and Ren, if not for the others. Shiki-sama hadn't died, as much as he might have wished he had after Akiha-sama and her friends had finished with him. The blue-haired sister from the Church had said that he would be fine after a month or so in bed. Kohaku onee-san had agreed with the estimate, but had then calculated that he could be back on his feet in half the time if she brought out some of the special drugs she had been saving for just such an occasion.

She stopped to let some workmen get past her with a pile of timber panels in their arms. Akiha-sama had decided that if she was going to have to replace the lounge the rest of the wing may as well be renovated at the same time. Work had been going on 24 hours a day to make sure that the Tohno mansion was repaired as soon as possible.

Hisui consequently had found herself spending half her time caring for her immobile master and the other half of her time making sure that Kohaku didn't get too enthusiastic with her experiments. Because she had to clean the mansion as well she knew that she was only preventing about a third of her onee-san's drugs from being used, if that, but it was enough to make her disapproval clear. Kohaku would not dare use any of the really dangerous medicines without consulting her and Akiha-sama at least.

When she re-entered the unadorned room that her master was sleeping in Hisui found Ren curled up atop his chest. The cat seemed to be asleep as well and Hisui remembered from what Aozaki had told her about the familiar that Ren needed to be in the same state as her target in order to show them dreams. From the smile Shiki-sama wore Ren was faithfully caring out her duties as a dream familiar.

The red-haired maid approached silently and fluffed up the pillow and checked that the boy who had become a man in the time he had been out of her life was comfortable as she could make him. That done she stayed kneeling beside the bed, her head close enough to his that her hair touched Shiki's as she watched over his peaceful sleeping face.

She brushed aside a stray lock of hair that had draped itself across her master's forehead. Angry the women in Shiki-sama's life may have been but Hisui couldn't find it in herself to be angry at what they had done to him. Not when she was spending so much time with him as a result. Hisui would never have admitted it to herself but she had been feeling a bit lonely lately with all the time Shiki spent outside the mansion with Arcueid or at the university.

"Take your time getting well, Shiki-sama," Hisui softly whispered. "I'll do my best to take care of you while you get better." A thought struck her and she continued in a much brighter tone. "In fact, Shiki-sama, I'll even make some of the dishes you are always telling me about. That will be nice won't it?"

In the early morning light it was hard to tell what kind of expression it was that had appeared upon Shiki's face. Asleep as he was it may just have been that he had come across something unpleasant in his dreams, or maybe it was the random muscle movements of someone who was resting.

Some people however, would have said that Shiki now looked like he was in despair.

**Epilogue**

In a secluded alley there could be seen a girl with chestnut hair who was sobbing as she curled up on herself. It was a sight that would make any man who saw it approach her and ask "What's wrong?"

Five people, four of them hoodlums who had thought it would be nice to play with a girl who was apparently skipping school, had fallen victim to that trap. Their drained bodies lay more of less hidden amidst the rubbish bags at the end of the alley.

"I can't believe this!" bawled the girl as she beat the ground in frustration. "Everyone else got a mention so why not me?! Even that damn Sion got a role this time around!"

Like a woman who relieved her stress by eating a tub of chocolate chip ice-cream, Yumizuka Satsuki brought her most recent victim's neck to her throat and bit down angrily. After taking a long draught of blood she chucked the body away. It was impossible to tell whether the red streaks that lined her face afterwards were from the corpse or her eyes.

"Give me an answer damn it!" the young vampire screamed at the sky.

There was a beeping, an odd sound to be heard in a dark alley. Casting her acute senses around to find out where it was coming from, Satsuki soon tracked the noise down to a cell-phone in the pocket of one of the hoodlums. The LCD display told her that a new e-mail had been received. Thinking that one of the punk's friends had sent it Satsuki opened the message out of idle curiosity. A few seconds later however the outraged vampire had thrown the phone away and had gone back to crying her eyes out while beating the ground.

The discarded phone's screen flickered for a few seconds before the damage that it had received by being thrown against a concrete wall at a 100 mph killed it off. That was long enough however for a rat watching from behind a grating to have read the letters that had been displayed there.

From: Alyeris

To: Sacchin

Isn't it sad, Sacchin?

- Hint: Try being reincarnated as a main character's sister in the next life, you are more likely to get a leading part in a story that way.


	4. Chapter 4

As someone possessing the legendary Mystic Eyes of Death Perception Tohno Shiki could say in perfect honesty that he was potentially one of the deadliest individuals in the world. At his relatively young age he already had two impressive kills to his name, three if you counted his butchery of Arcueid upon first meeting her. Of those each and every one had been an existence regarded as immortal by monsters the likes of which could level cities by themselves.

Some of those monsters hung around with him. There was his sister Tohno Akiha, the inheritor of the Tohno's demon bloodline who could plunder energy from almost anything just by looking at it. Then there was Ciel, no longer immortal but still formidable, as an elite member of one of the Church's shadowy militant arms she could more than hold her own against even the like of Chaos himself. Finally there was Arcueid Brunestud herself, the White Princess of the True Ancestors, her power was limited only by the necessity to keep the planet relatively intact.

It was impossible to think that any foe could defeat this lineup of superhumans. If anyone wished to try they would have needed to bring along the entire force of one of the three great powers in the world, and even then it was a fifty-fifty proposition.

Which was why an observer from one of those organisation would have been very surprised had they visited the Tohno mansion on a certain January night. For in the dining room, strewn across the floor and furniture like fallen leaves, the entire Tohno harem and Shiki himself lay unconscious.

This was an event that would come to occupy a prominent place in...

**The Satsujinki Cooking Diaries**

**Recipe 4 (5) - Mystery Meat Theatre, Part One - Birth of Horror**

When Akiha was being nice, trouble was bound to follow. That was one of the new maxims Shiki had lived by since moving back in to the Tohno residence and it had yet to fail him. The pleasant smile his sister had worn since breakfast was as blatant a warning to avoid her as any he had ever seen.

Too bad he was too late in escaping...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

"Why don't you invite everyone over for dinner sometime nii-san?" was what Akiha suggested seconds before he was about to go meet a potential buyer for one of his sculptures..

Stop, stare. Not seeing anything out of the ordinary about his sister Shiki tried putting his hand across her forehead.

"Nii-san?" Akiha inquired as to the reason for his aberrant actions.

"Just checking to see whether you have a fever," Shiki replied. "You seem okay, which is strange because I could have sworn I just heard you suggesting we invite everyone over."

Akiha narrowed her eyes and brushed Shiki's hand away.

"I know I haven't been on the best of terms with your friends nii-san, but there's no need to treat me as if I've suddenly become a dunce."

"Not on the best of terms is... Quite an understatement," Shiki pointed out.

"Very funny nii-san," Akiha hissed through clenched teeth. "I am trying to make amends here."

Shiki held up his hands in surrender, "Sorry, you were saying?"

Akiha cleared her throat, "I just thought it would be nice to invite everyone over for dinner so that we could talk and clear up any, misunderstandings between us."

Nothing wrong with that idea that Shiki could see, "Sounds good. When do you want to do it?"

There was a brief pause in the conversation while Akiha appeared to think of a date.

"Would the sixteenth be suitable?" she asked after a few seconds.

Again Shiki couldn't see anything to object to, "Sure, shall I tell everyone?"

"If you wish to nii-san," Akiha replied.

Shiki nodded. He still had some misgivings about bringing Akiha and the others together under one roof but Akiha looked like she was earnestly making an effort to reach out. It was a brother's duty to see that she could.

"I will tell them today," Hisui appeared in Shiki's field of view and pointed at the clock. "Oops, got to go, see you later Akiha!"

Akiha waved goodbye and kept a warm smile on her face as Shiki went outside with Hisui. Once he was safely out of sight however the warm smile turned dark and menacing. Her left hand came up from behind her back and one could see that her fingers were crossed.

"I will be looking forward to it nii-san," Akiha whispered in a girly sing-song voice.

It didn't suit her image at all.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Monday and Tuesday passed by in a daze as Shiki hurried to prepare his corner for the university art exhibition. His work had garnered considerable interest from the appraisal board during the semester and Shiki wanted to make that trend continue.

He woke early up on Wednesday comfortable in the knowledge that he had nothing to do. He had finished setting up his corner last night and all that remained was to wait for the exhibition to open. A quick look out the window told him that the sky was clear. Perhaps he would go out and meet Arcueid then.

The door opened and he heard Hisui's light footsteps enter the room.

"Good morning Shiki-sama," she greeted him upon seeing he was awake. "You are up early today."

"Good morning Hisui," Shiki returned the greeting. "It's too nice a day to be lazing around in bed. Can you put some of my clothes out on the bed? I'm going to take a shower."

"Of course Shiki-sama," Hisui said with a bow. "Will you be going out today?"

Shiki stopped at the entrance to the bathroom and thought about it. It was a nice day and Arcueid had been pestering him for days now to go out together. Come to think of it, he hadn't talked to Ciel-sempai since Sunday either. Going out and meeting them was probably a good idea.

"I probably will be at that," Shiki told Hisui.

He glanced at the calendar on the wall. Today was the fifteenth so it was likely that the shops still had some leftover stock from Christmas and New Years to get rid of. Picking up some cheap art supplies while he could was probably a good idea too.

Hisui left the room after putting a set of clothing upon the bed and Shiki was about to go have his shower when the red circle scrawled on the calendar for the next day caught his eye. He couldn't remember what it was for so he went and took a look.

'Dinner at our place' was what was written in the square for January sixteenth. Shiki remembered then that Akiha had told him to invite everyone.

Shiki froze. Invite?

His face went pale. What with all the rushing about for the exhibition he had forgotten to tell Arcueid and Ciel-sempai. Lucky he had seen this then. He resolved to talk to them about it later.

Five minutes later he was still in the shower, rinsing his hair, when he remembered what else was special about the sixteenth of January. Or rather, Thursday of that week.

"Oh no, &&*%#!" Shiki swore loudly. The later invectives were because the shampoo had gotten into his eyes when they flew open in shock.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Red-eyed and his hair still damp from the shower Shiki rushed out to find Hisui as soon as he had thrown his shirt on. He found her coming down the corridor with fresh linens for his bed.

"Shiki-sama?!" Hisui exclaimed when she saw him rushing towards her.

Shiki noted that for some reason she looked away and that her face had gone red for some reason but ignored it as trivial. There were more important things he needed to find out.

"Hisui," Shiki grabbed her shoulders to stop her when Hisui backed away from him. "Are you going to be cooking tomorrow?"

It was an innocent enough question, if asked in a somewhat abrupt and forceful manner, but Hisui seemed to have more trouble answering it than just those factors would have explained.

"Cook? Uhm, what? Shiki-sama? Ah..." Hisui seemed flustered and kept trying to get away from his grip.

"Hisui, answer the question please," Shiki asked of her.

Hisui swallowed, and even in the midst of his panic Shiki admired the fine lines of her throat as it carried out that slight motion.

"Ah..." Hisui was breathing heavily and refused to look him in the eyes as she spoke. "Akiha-sama said I should, yes, Shiki-sama. but what-."

That was all Shiki needed to know. He interrupted her with a request.

"Can we have hotpot for dinner tomorrow?"

"- Excuse me Shiki-sama?" some of her usual reserve returned to Hisui as she struggled to process the sudden request.

Shiki shrugged and let go of her shoulders, "We don't have to but I thought it might be nice to have a hotpot dinner tomorrow since its winter and all. Can we?"

"Uhm, I don't have any problems with that Shiki-sama," Hisui replied as she slowly backed away from him with an unnerved light in her eyes. "More importantly-."

"Kyaaa! Shiki-san's molesting Hisui!" came a shrill shriek from behind.

Dumbfounded, Shiki turned around to see Kohaku pointing at him. Not knowing what was going on he turned to Hisui for support but she had taken the opportunity to run away. It was only when he felt the breeze created by Akiha slamming open her door that he realised what was wrong.

He wasn't wearing any pants.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Pain was weakness leaving the body. Repeating that mantra over and over in his head Shiki was making his way down the street away from the mansion. His destination was anywhere where an outraged Akiha couldn't lay her hands on him.

Besides, he had higher priorities than feeling sorry for himself. Quick action was required if he was going to contain the situation so that it got no worse than it was now. He wasn't sure what Akiha had been thinking to plan something like that, but it couldn't have been anything good. Come to that, what had been her plans? Inviting everyone and feeding them Hisui's cooking would only make the hostilities worse. Was there perhaps another motive that he wasn't picking up here?

Worried and confused, Shiki walked on in silence until he reached the apartment block where Arcueid had taken up residence. The old security guard on the first floor waved hello to him when he passed and Shiki waved back, all the while wondering if he had been coming around too much. Was it really normal to be on first name terms with the security staff of a building you didn't even live in?

The door to Arcueid's apartment was open as usual so Shiki didn't need to use the spare key he had been given to get in. When he got inside however there was no one there. Shiki looked around for any clues as to where Arcueid might have gone but all he found was a discarded candy wrapper.

It was during times like this that Shiki thought about getting cellphones for himself and Arcueid. His common sense then reasserted itself and reminded him as to the possible consequences of that sort of action. One of the the least being that Akiha would be able to check up on him every five minutes. Not a comfortable thought.

With no ideas as to where Arcueid could be Shiki gave up decided to go over to Ciel's place. He scribbled a quick note and placed it on top of Aruceid's pillow, about the only place where she was certain to find it. That done he locked up behind him and left the building.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

To his surprise Ciel was also absent when he got to her house. On a nice day like today he would have expected Arcueid to go wandering about but he had expected to find Ciel sleeping in after a late night.

"Maybe she's gone shopping," Shiki mumbled to himself after knocking on the door for three minutes.

Again he had no choice but to leave after sliding a note under the front door. He just hoped that Ciel wouldn't mind the little postscript he had put on the end.

"P.S. Hotpot =/= Curry ."

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

"Welcome home, Shiki-sama."

"I'm home Hisui," Shiki answered as usual. "Anything I need to know about before I go inside?"

It had become a habit of his to ask Hisui for information regarding the current status of the Tohno head and the atmosphere of the mansion itself when he returned from an outing. Knowing in advance that Akiha was mad at him for some reason or another didn't prevent his suffering at her hands but sometimes it allowed him to lighten the punishment.

"Nothing important, Shiki-sama," Hisui replied. "Although nee-san said she wished to talk to you for a second."

"Kohaku did?" Shiki wondered what it was about. "Where is she right now?"

"I think she's in the garden right now Shiki-sama, but she should be coming in soon to prepare dinner."

"Hmm, I guess I'll wash up before I talk to her then. How was your day Hisui?" Shiki asked that as he opened the door.

Shiki and Hisui chatted about inconsequential things as he went up to his room. They parted in front of his door and ten minutes later Shiki was coming down the stairs again after having a shower and getting a change of clothes.

"Hey Kohaku," Shiki said when he saw the maid in the kitchen. "Hisui said you wanted to talk to me about something?"

"Wait a second please!" Kohaku did complicated things involving a whisk and a bowl of some white floury substance. "Whew, all done."

She put the bowl down and turned to face Shiki.

"How was your day Shiki-san?" she politely asked.

"Fine, I managed to find a decent cerulean which was a wonder and the weather was great, what more do you need?" Shiki shrugged. "More importantly, what was it you wanted to talk about?"

Kohaku smiled and turned her attention back to her cooking.

"I just happened to see you talking to Hisui this morning," she said lightly as if were a matter of no consequence.

"Talking to..."

Shiki felt his face go red as he remembered what he had done. Was Kohaku mad at him over exposing himself like that?

"... Meat do you like, Shiki-sama?" he heard Kohaku ask.

"Sorry, my mind was somewhere else," Shiki inwardly let out a huge sigh of relief, it didn't seem that Kohaku was going to continue that matter. "What was that you were saying?"

Kohaku peered at him as if reading what he was thinking then went back to cutting up peppers.

"You said to Hisui that you wanted to have a hotpot for dinner tomorrow so I was just wondering what kind of meat you like," Kohaku gestured with the knife. "Lamb? Beef? Not pork I hope."

Feeling a little behind the stream of the conversation Shiki latched on to the last thing to enter his head.

"Not pork? Why not?" he asked.

Kohaku let out a slight sigh and looked at him with pitying eyes, "Pork takes a long time to cook Shiki-san, by the times it's done all the vegetables will be ruined."

"Oh," Shiki had been wondering if there was some kind of personal reason behind her distaste but there hadn't been one after all.

There was nothing but the sound of the knife hitting the cutting board for a while as Kohaku concentrated on preparing dinner. Shiki didn't have anything else to do so he joined in and started filleting the silverfish that was the main dish for the night.

"So have you thought about it Shiki-san?" Kohaku made Shiki jump with her sudden question.

"About what?" Shiki put down the knife he was using and stared at her confusedly.

"The meat, Shiki-san," Kohaku groaned. "You didn't answer my question earlier."

"Oh, that. Just beef is fine," Shiki returned to his filleting. "I told Arcueid and Ciel-sempai to bring something as well so they might bring something else."

"Okay Shiki-sa~an," Kohaku trilled in reply. "By the way, I told Akiha-sama about the change in plans."

Shiki had no answer for that apart from, "Ugh..."

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

The next day...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

The head of the Tohno family was still fuming as she awaited her guests. She couldn't believe her brother's nerve. How could he do something like change the menu without even consulting her? Her plan had been perfect too. Feed everyone Hisui's cooking, wait till they were just sick enough to be unable to move, then stake her claim to her brother in front of those hussies. In a way that would leave no doubt as to who owned him. That was, she would have... She would have...

Akiha blushed at the thought of doing something so indecent as french kissing her brother while others were watching. How had things ever come to such a state that she could contemplate an act so-.

The doorbell rung, Arcueid's voice could be heard as she called out to Shiki.

_Ah, that was why_, thought Akiha.

Still, there was no helping it. Now that her plans had been ruined she had no way of doing anything without making it obvious that she was doing something. In that case Akiha decided that she may as well try and get through the night as quick as possible.

Taking a deep breath and counting to ten to calm herself, Akiha waited for Kohaku to bring Arcueid into the lounge.

"Hey imouto-chan!" Arcueid called out when she spotted Akiha.

"Good evening Arcueid-san," Akiha said with all the dignity she could muster, but her true nature still managed to peek through. "And as I've told you before please refrain from calling me imouto-san. I have no intention of ever letting you take my nii-san."

"That's fine," Arcueid easily replied. "I can wait for you to die imouto-chan."

The beaming smile on Arcueid's face was somewhat incongruous with that statement and Akiha found it difficult to maintain her composure. She wanted to tell the vampire that she would see her dead first but she dismissed the thought as childish. Besides which, she probably couldn't kill Arcueid anyway. The misbegotten vampire was the most powerful being she had ever met.

Keeping that in mind, Akiha bid Arcueid to sit. The vampire however gravitated to the dining room. Hisui had dug up a huge iron vessel from somewhere and Kohaku had 'somehow' obtained a huge portable gas range to heat it with. Half-full with boiling water, Akiha would have liked nothing better to throw Arcueid in.

"Wow! What's this pot for imouto-chan?" Arcueid asked Akiha upon seeing the pot.

"I told you -," Akiha stopped and shook her head. There was no point arguing with this ditzy vampire. "The pot is where we put all the ingredients Arcueid-san. Then we wait for it all to cook before we start eating."

"Oh..." exclaimed Arcueid.

The vampire princess began to examine the pot from all angles. Even Akiha found it hard not to crack a smile when Arcueid started pestering Kohaku to put something in.

Ding~Dong~.

Akiha's slightly improved mood was broken by the doorbell ringing for the second time that day. She didn't need to turn around to know who had just been shown in. It was quite easy to tell when a blue snake had entered just by the shift in the atmosphere.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Things were going about as well as could be expected with the three girls gathered together around the table when Shiki came back from the market with some carrots. That is to say, not well at all. Akiha was standing back as Arcueid and Ciel bit and snapped at each other. Still they were only trading sarcastic comments and light insults, not swords and claws, so Shiki supposed it was okay.

"Shiki!" Arcueid called out as he entered the dining room. She lost no time in getting to her feet and jumping at him.

"Hey Arcueid," Shiki responded to her enthusiastic greeting, he also waved hello to the others and blanched when he saw the deadly glare that Akiha was aiming at Arcueid. "Could you get off?" he whispered in her ear.

"Meanie," Arcueid pouted and wouldn't budge. "You see me for the first time in a week and that's all you can say?"

"I'm sorry," Shiki apologised. "I'll make it up to you in the weekend, okay?"

Arcueid nodded happily and let him sit down at the table, but not before Ciel started throwing glares in their direction along with Akiha. Shiki hoped this wasn't a sign of things to come.

Akiha opened her mouth as if to say something, most likely to tell him off for being too close to Arcueid again, but she closed it again as if she was letting it go for now. Instead she smiled, a little thinly, and gestured for everyone Ciel to come and sit as well. She waited till they were all seated before speaking up again.

"Now that we are all _settled_," Akiha pointedly did not look in Arcueid's direction as she said this. "Why don't we get started? Kohaku?"

"Yes, Akiha-sama," the maid went into the kitchen.

She came out again with a platter of vegetables, some sliced and diced by Shiki himself, others still whole like the spring onions that were an integral part of any hotpot. Then she returned to the kitchen and brought out a tray upon which lay the beef, thinly sliced for quick cooking and eating.

To Shiki's surprise she then handed the platters over to Hisui who was standing by. His initial reaction was to stop her but then he relaxed and sat back in his seat. It was a hotpot. You put the ingredients into the water then took them out when they were done. Not even Hisui could get that wrong could she?

In any case thought no more of it as he was distracted by Arcueid pulling out a dripping package wrapped in paper from the plastic bag she had brought with her.

"Let's put this in too," said Arcueid as she handed the package over to Hisui, it was intercepted by Kohaku.

"Uhm... What is this Arcueid-san?" Kohaku asked after she took a look inside the packaging.

Arcueid laughed, "I don't know. I just went shopping for something to bring and the guy at the stall told me that if I was having a hotpot this is something you had to put in."

Twitch. Alarm bells started ringing in Shiki's head. The last time Arcueid had gone grocery shopping by herself she had ended up buying twenty rolls of garlic bread after being told it was delicious by a storeperson. He needed to make sure this wasn't another of her unwise purchases.

Shiki got up and asked Kohaku to pass him the package. She did so with a confused look on her face. He understood why when he looked inside himself.

Slimy, grey, yet showing the marbled grainy texture of high grade red meat. There was no smell either so Shiki had no idea what he was looking at.

"Arcueid, did that guy say what this was?" he asked.

Arcueid blinked, "Not really, he just said it would definitely taste interesting."

Interesting. A word with so many_ interesting _connotations. Akiha and Shiki shuddered upon hearing it. They had tasted so many _interesting_ examples of cooking that the mere sound of the word raised _interesting_ emotions within them.

"Well I think we can safely set this aside," Shiki said with a frozen grin on his face. "Did you bring anything sempai?"

Ciel nodded and brought out a small plastic bag of her own.

"What was with that note Tohno-kun?" she complained as she opened the bag. "Hotpot =/= curry? Geez, you keep treating me like I'm some kind of maniac about curry or something."

Shiki made an apologetic gesture as he took the bag from her to give to Hisui.

"Sorry sempai, I won't do it again," he glanced at the contents before he handed the bag over. There were a sealed pack of lamb strips and what looked like dried leaves inside. He took a pinch of the leaves and looked at it. There was something about the appearance and the smell that reminded him of something...

"What's this sempai? Tea leaves?" Shiki asked Ciel.

Ciel looked like she found the idea hilarious.

"Tea leaves? Tohno-kun, don't joke around," she said cheerfully. "Why would you put tea leaves into a hotpot?"

"Well, yeah. I suppose that would be a bit silly at that," Shiki scratched his head out of embarrassment that he had even suggested it.

"They are curry leaves," came the unexpected answer.

"Huh?" Shiki wasn't the only one staring at Ciel now.

"What?" Ciel looked around at all the staring eyes with a quizzing expression. "He told me to bring some vegetables along so I brought curry leaves. Leaves. Not curry. Green things. Aka. veges."

"There you go with your curry mania again Ciel," Arcueid sighed. "Don't you ever get tired of that yellow paste?"

"Tired of curry?!" Ciel looked at Arcueid as if she had just suggested that she go and kill the pope.

"Ciel-san, I'm not one to say anything about other's personal habits but surely having curry every time you are here is a little overdoing things?" Akiha pointed out.

Surrounded on all sides, Ciel went on the defensive.

"You people just don't understand the magnificence of curry yet!" her eyes locked on to Shiki's. "You know what I'm talking about, don't you Tohno-kun? The rich and spicy taste of curry? You admit it's the greatest food in the world too don't you?"

With each word she spoke Ciel drove home another message with her eyes. Silently telling him, "Curry is good. Curry is good," over and over again.

It was a little creepy how fixated Ciel-sempai could get when curry was involved.

Shiki didn't want to hurt Ciel's feelings but this wasn't a situation where he could lie safely. If he said yes right now he would get Akiha and Arcueid annoyed at him, and Ciel-sempai would have an excuse to keep dragging him along with her on her frequent journeys to find a good curry restaurant.

"Well, curry is good enough every once in a while Ciel-sempai," Shiki said awkwardly. "I wouldn't say it's my favourite though."

Ciel's expression crumpled while Arcueid and Akiha wore smug grins. Shiki could only wince sympathetically and smile.

"My Shiki is a normal human being unlike you Ciel," Arcueid taunted the executioner. "Good thing too otherwise he would have a curry waistline like you."

"_My_ Shiki?"

"Curry Waistline?"

A staring contest ensued between Akiha and Ciel regarding the question of who would object to Arcueid's statement first. In this instance Ciel gave way for the host and Akiha turned on Arcueid in outrage.

"Why are you claiming _my_ nii-san for yourself Arcueid-san? I told you already. I'm never giving him to you," Akiha said fiercely.

"I said I can wait," Arcueid told her, she stuck out her tongue at Akiha, bringing to mind a cat taunting a grouchy neighbour. "Besides, he is already mine in every way that counts."

"What do you mean by that Arcueid-san?" Akiha asked in a frosty whisper.

"Ask Shiki," the vampire princess replied with a smug grin.

Akiha's glare transferred itself to Shiki, who sighed and got ready for a round of fast talking. With Akiha out of the way Ciel started in on her complaint.

"Arcueid," Ciel's eyes were like blazing sapphires. "What do you mean by 'curry waistline'?"

Arcueid smiled at her and made a balancing motion with her hands.

"Hmm, whatever could I mean," she mused out loud. "Could I perhaps mean that in the two years since you lost your immortality you've gained nine pounds to make a total of - touche about your weight are we," Arcueid muttered.

All conversation at the table froze as Ciel and Arcueid stared at each other with the blade of a black key between them. Although in the greatest risk Arcueid didn't seem worried in the least, confident of her ability to withstand the attack.

The standoff that seemed like it could go on forever ended soon enough as Hisui announced that the pot was ready.

"The hotpot is ready, Akiha-sama, Shiki-sama, guests," she informed them. "Please eat as much as you want."

Eager for any excuse to escape Akiha's interrogation about what the current status of his relationship with Arcueid was, Shiki was the first to grab the ladle in order to fill his bowl. When he saw what was in the pot however, he stopped and took a closer look. Desperate as he was he wasn't desperate enough to consider suicide without even looking to see what would kill him.

The first thing that could be said about the hotpot was that... Well... It was colourful. Hisui had run loose with the addition of ingredients in the time that everyone's attentions were elsewhere and the final result was spectacular. Dominating the soup was an orange/yellow mixture that had to have come from the curry leaves. Floating amidst that vivid sea were brown and grey lumps of meat that Shiki could swear were actively moving. Then there were the green vegetables. Boiling had washed out all the colours so that all he saw were olive pieces interspaced amongst the meat. Shiki had no idea where the purples and the blues had come from until he saw some strange mushrooms bobbing up and down. Judging by their shape, size and colour they were from Kohaku's vegetable garden. The end result of all this was that the hotpot reminded Shiki of nothing less than a very bad day in the toilet.

Mere words weren't enough to describe the horror and disgust that filled his mind as he looked at the pot. A full orchestra and a cinematic backdrop at least were required before one could even begin to absorb the dish's very existence in the world. It was perfect. Perfectly unappetising.

For some strange reason however Shiki found himself salivating.

"Uh... This looks very nice," Shiki's mind attempted to get himself to pull back but his body wasn't listening. Two quick motions with the ladle filled his bowl and Shiki's body sat down and prepared to eat.

The others appeared to be having the same problem. Arcueid wore a dazed expression whereas Akiha and Ciel-sempai both seemed about to puke. Yet their bodies were moving slowly to fill the bowls and eat a spoonful of this unbelievable dish.

"Itadakimasu..." Their mouths grated out against fierce opposition from their minds.

Hands were raised and spoons taken in hand. Trembling utensils headed slowly towards bowls. No one had any idea what was going on. All anyone among them knew was that they really did not want to eat this thing, and that it didn't look like they had a choice in the matter.

"Shiki-sama is something the matter?" Hisui asked worriedly.

Busy trying to restrain his right arm with his left, Shiki just shook his head. Why did he want to eat this so much? Come to think of it why wasn't Hisui affected? She had to have been staring at this for minutes now!

He heard a thump.

When he looked to where Hisui had been standing. There was no one there. His eyes travelled downwards.

Hisui lay unmoving on the floor with her limbs locked in position. There was a faint orange and purple smear on the corner of her lips.

Shiki redoubled his efforts to try and overcome the strange coercion upon his body. The taste had knocked Hisui out for crying out loud. Hisui! The maid of the unshakable taste buds, the mecha who could eat anything put in front of her without blinking. Against something that could prostrate her he stood not a chance of surviving.

"Shiki, help..." he heard Arcueid cry out before a second loud thump told him that she too had gone under.

"Nii-san?" Akiha went next.

Inch by inch the spoon rose towards his mouth despite all the force of his considerable will being exerted against the hand that held it. Seen from this close the mixture looked worse than ever.

Ciel fell too, uttering an enigmatic "Curry lives!" before she went into hotpot induced coma.

He was the only one still alive. He didn't know how or why he was able to resist the hotpot's spell better than the others but he knew that he was soon about to join them on the floor. The spoon was nearly touching his lips now. Shiki knew that he was doomed unless...

He shook his glasses off his head and focussed his eyes upon the air around the dish. As he had guessed a swirl of lines radiated out from the pot itself to fill the room with their strange energy. Shiki grabbed his knife with his right hand and got ready to destroy the evil that the dish had become.

Shiki's body then told him what was wrong. He had grabbed his knife with his right hand. Till a few seconds ago that hand had been holding his spoon.

"Oh sh-" Shiki never finished the sentence as his eyes flew open in shock and horror. Then, like a great oak toppling in the woods, he collapsed onto the carpet. Foam began to come out of his mouth as he jerked and trembled from sensory overload.

Shiki was down and out for the count. There remained no one who could help him or the others. Slowly, but surely, the light faded from his unseeing eyes. Death had come to claim its own.

**BAD END**

**/Start from beginning**

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Crash, bang, screech, boom. Approaching sounds of destruction.

The shinigami's dark scythe was millimetres away from taking Shiki's soul when a flying broom sent the death god hurtling towards the netherworld again. A "witch" in a cloak that concealed the eyes entered the room hot on its heels and studied the situation.

"Hui? What do we have here? An artifical reality marble!" the witch exclaimed in excitement as she prodded at the menacing coil of dark energies that had wrapped itself about the iron pot.

The darkness extended a strand of itself towards her and the witch brushed it away with her broom.

"Tut tut, can't have something this dangerous sitting around," the witch gathered her cloak about herself. "This looks like a job for Magical Girl Amber!"

She pulled a dustcloth out of her pocket and threw it up into the air. It should have landed on top of the pot and covered it, but instead it impossibly settled onto the table. When the witch took the cloth away again the pot and its horrible contents had disappeared like the memories of a bad dream.

"Job complete, byebye everyone!" the witch said happily.

Waving goodbye to an unconscious audience, the witch got onto her broomstick and flew away through the lounge door. More destructive noise followed.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Shiki groaned. There was a bright light shining down on his face. Was this heaven?

"He's waking up," somebody called out. There was the rustling of people getting to their feet.

He opened his eyes.

The first thing he saw was Arcueid's face just above his as she looked down at him with worried eyes. With such beauty in front of him Shiki almost thought he really was in heaven.

He was brought back to earth when a slight twist of his head revealed hell was not far behind. Akiha and Ciel were positively snarling as they stared at him and Arcueid. What was that saying again? Ah, yes, that one. The one that went, "Hell hath no fury like..."

"Ugh..." Shiki sat up with Arcueid's help. "Is everyone alright?" he asked when he felt up to speaking coherently again.

The innocent question defused the tension in the air and brought Akiha and Ciel rushing over to check his condition. He laughed and waved them away, telling them he was perfectly fine, and asked them again if they were alright.

"We are fine nii-san," Akiha told him.

"Kohaku-san gave us some medicine for the stomach pains," Ciel added.

Shiki sighed in relief. No one had died from Hisui's cooking after all. The thought made him look around for his personal maid. She was nowhere to be found.

"Hey Akiha, where's Hisui" he asked.

"Kohaku took Hisui up to her room to recover, Shiki," Arcueid informed him as she came out of the kitchen holding something. "She was a little worse off than us so Kohaku said she was going to give her some extra care."

"Oh," there wasn't anything he could say to that.

"What's that in your hands Arcueid?" asked Ciel.

Arcueid seemed surprised to be asked the question.

"This?" she blushed. "I was looking for something to clear that awful taste from my mouth and I found this ice-cream container in the fridge so..."

Akiha, Ciel and Shiki all grimaced at the mention of the horrible sensations and tastes the hotpot had left in their mouths. Now that Arcueid had brought it up they realised that they too had that taste lingering in the back of their throats.

"Here, let me have some Arcueid," said Shiki.

"Me too," Ciel got up and brought spoons.

"I need some as well Arcueid-san," Akiha said after a slight pause. No doubt caused by her unwillingness to talk to the vampire who seemed to be stealing her nii-san away from her.

"Here, here. It's more fun to share!" Arcueid placed the container on the table and took another spoonful of the cookie and cream dessert. "Mmmm, delicious. How do they make this stuff? Do you know Shiki?"

"Mmmf?" Shiki hurriedly swallowed the ice-cream in his mouth. "Gah, uhm... I'm not really sure Arcueid. I think they do something with powdered ice and milk but..."

"Don't forget all the sugar that goes in," Ciel said in a strict tone. "You need to add whole cupfuls or it doesn't taste sweet at all."

"You are the one who needs to worry about that aren't you Ciel-san?" Akiha said with a mischeivous smile.

"Why, you little minx," Ciel pretended to get angry and flicked Akiha on the nose.

The gathering soon degenerated into a mock catfight with Shiki struggling to get out of the way while laughing so hard as to have difficulty breathing. It was a good end to a day which had been such a harrowing experience for them all.

It was quite some time afterwards, when Arcueid and Ciel were leaving, that Shiki brought up the question that had slipped from everyone's minds.

"Uh, hang on, does anyone know what happened to the pot?"

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Deep beneath the Tohno mansion a bubble appeared on the surface of the pot of evil, and popped.

This time it had been defeated and sealed away, but the darkness that had been created this day could wait. Someone, someday would make a mistake, and that was all it would take for it to get out into the world again to spread its gospel of culinary darkness. All the joys, all the horrors, and definitely all the tastes.

Of the Mystery Meat Theatre...


	5. Chapter 5

**Bit early but who cares? Have a silly Valentines everyone ;)**

**Disc: Valentines and Tsukihime are property of Nasu Kinoko and Type Moon. Wait a second... There was something wrong with what I said just then...**

**The Satsujinki Cooking Diaries**

**Recipe 5 (4) - Valentine's Day Massacre (Tsukihime Style)**

The day before the slaughter...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

A warm breeze was blowing through the grounds of the Tohno residence, making a rain of sakura fall down in its wake.

"Ahhh! It finally feels like Spring," Shiki sighed happily and fell back onto the the picnic mat. The Tohno family sakuras were the earliest blooming ones in the whole city. With the recent turn the weather had taken Kohaku had suggested that they have lunch outside for once. Akiha and Shiki had readily agreed after a long winter spent cooped up inside the mansion due to unusually heavy snows. Now that his stomach was full Shiki looked forward to a lazy nap under the afternoon sun.

Crack!

"Ow!"

Without sparing a glance for her older brother's pain Akiha sipped at her tea while putting the shukusen back from whatever mysterious location within her skirt it had come from.

"Rolling around on the grass like that is for country bumpkins nii-san," Akiha said mercilessly after she had put the cup down again. "Please remember that you are the elder child of the Tohno family and act appropriately."

"Now, now, Akiha-sama. Don't be so hard on Shiki-san," on watch as always, Kohaku refilled Akiha's cup to the brim. "Besides you used to roll around on the grass yourself, Akiha-sama. Hisui told me all about how you once got yourself covered in mud because you were pretending to be a cat."

Akiha's face took on the same shade as the glorious red rose blossoms just opening up on the bushes around her. She began to speak but nothing came out but stutters. Her sudden speech impediment was not helped in the least when Shiki began to struggle for breath, a side effect of his efforts not to laugh.

"Th-That was wh-when I was five, Kohaku!" Akiha heatedly declared. "I didn't know any better then!"

It was no use. Kohaku looked away with her hand to her mouth and Shiki surrendered himself to hilarity. While she quietly fumed at being the target of such ridicule Akiha realised she was fighting a lost battle and redirected her outrage at an easier target.

"Hisui..." Akiha hissed. "Please refrain from talking about such things with Kohaku in the future, or at least talk about nii-san instead." A nasty smile appeared on her face. "Since he has forgotten so much about the past I'm sure he would enjoy being reminded."

The shy maid blushed and shuffled back a few centimetres, with the coincidental result that she was now sitting right next to Shiki. This had Akiha frowning again but such inconsequential events were forgotten with the utterance of one sentence from Kohaku.

"If you want to hear something about Shiki-san, Akiha-sama. Did you know that he got a Valentine's chocolate from a girl when he was little?" there was a mischievous glint in Kohaku's eyes as she turned up the force of her smile. "I wonder who that girl could have been." Smile, smile, as innocently as a fallen angel.

"Valen-tine's... Chocolate?" Akiha's right eyelid was twitching. "Nii-san?"

Seeing Akiha turn on him with a murderous light in her eyes Shiki instantly put up his hands in protest.

"Hang on a second. I don't remember anything about this. What Valentine's chocolate?" his words reached a sceptical audience.

"Dear me..." Kohaku shook her head sadly. "I never thought that you were the type play around with a girl's heart like that, Shiki-san. How could you forget something so important to a girl as her Valentine's gift?"

"Uh..."

Shiki honestly had no recollection of ever receiving a Valentine's when he was still living here as a child. That wasn't too unusual as the memories of his childhood were often fragmented or blank, but a Valentine's? He would have expected to at least remember receiving such a thing.

Meanwhile, Akiha was getting impatient with Kohaku's evasions and Shiki's forgetfulness.

"Kohaku, nii-san. Would one of you be so kind as to tell me who this brazen girl was that gave you a Valentine's?" Akiha seemed calm until you realised that the calmness was of the kind brought by an Arctic blizzard. Cold, deadly, and overwhelming in its force.

While he and Kohaku both vehemently denied having any knowledge of the mystery girl's identity Shiki noticed that Hisui seemed uncharacteristically amused about something. He would have asked her why, but under the circumstances Shiki soon forgot about it as he tried to calm Akiha down.

"Afternon, Shiki! What's a Valentine's?" came the sudden bubbly question from behind him.

Heads whirled to be met by a dazzling vision in a white hat and a flimsy white one-piece skirt. Eyes popped out of their sockets for various reasons and mouths fell open at the sight, Kohaku on the other hand simply giggled and made a V sign at Arcueid. Akiha and Shiki's eyes in particular were drawn to two magnificent items currently situated at eye height as their owner kneeled beside Shiki.

"Arcueid? What are you - URk!"

Taken down by two chopsticks thrown through the gap between his eyes and his glasses, Shiki rolled on the grass in pain while Akiha stood up to glare down at this intruder upon the house grounds.

"What are you doing here with those ridiculously large -. I mean, why are you displaying those. No, I mean, What are tho - tho, tho, those..." Akiha's voice trailed off into an outraged stammer while she pointed at the trespasser with a trembling finger.

Arcueid blinked in confusion as she stared up at Akiha.

"Is there something on my face imouto-chan? Why do you keep saying "doh"? And you didn't answer my question," Arcueid's eyes narrowed in annoyance as Akiha ignored her questions and gave vent to her usual anger at being addressed as "imouto-chan" by the vampire she hated so much. She wanted to know what a Valentine's was.

Kohaku crawled over to whisper into Arcueid's ear, only she had to speak a bit loudly as Akiha had begun shouting.

"A Valentine's is a gift girls give to the boy they like on the 14th of Feburary, Arcueid-san," the maid told the vampire.

"A gift? For Shiki? What kind of gift?" Arcueid was almost bouncing with excitement. Disregarding Akiha's ranting she bent an eager ear to Kohaku's explanation.

"Nomally chocolate. Heart shaped ones are the best but it can be anything as long as its made of chocolate."

"Chocolate... That's that sweet brown stuff they sell in the shops isn't it?" a nod from the maid. "Okay! Thanks Kohaku! Tell Shiki I will see him tomorrow!"

With a wave to her one-time murderer and current boyfriend Arcueid jumped up and ran off without giving anyone so much as a clue as to why she had come in the first place. Still prostrate from the blow he had received Shiki was unable to respond. On the other hand Akiha had heard everything and was fuming as she shouted after Arcueid, demanding that she never come back. Eventually Arcueid disappeared from sight, and Akiha quietened down. However she was still angry and redirected that anger at Shiki.

"Break off all relations with that bloodsucking witch already, nii-san!" said Akiha with her hair rising around her in a crimson corona. "Do you really intend to drag the family's name into the mud by consorting with someone like her?"

Shiki had recovered and rubbed his eyes as he gave her an annoyed response, "What's wrong with Arcueid? You would know she is a really nice person if you just gave her a chance. Stop being such a rude brat whenever she comes by."

A sudden chill breeze washed over Shiki. When he glanced in the direction it had come from he gulped as he saw that Akiha's gaze had dropped about 200 degrees in temperature. Fixed by her glare like a butterfly in a collector's album, Shiki wondered what he had done wrong now.

"Ah... Akiha?"

Akiha smiled, a frosty expression that did nothing to relieve him.

"Oh really nii-san? You don't think I'm fulfilling my responsibilities as the head of the Tohno household by not being polite to a thing like her?" Akiha's voice as she asked this was the cute and cheerful voice that dolls used in horror movies before they ripped out a victim's throat.

Shiki backed away on hands and feet, this was getting creepier by the second.

"Hey I didn't say anything like that!" suddenly his suicidal tendencies jumped out again here. "I wish you would stop referring to Arcueid like some animal though."

Zgrck... The scrunching noise was followed by a heavy thud as one of the younger trees nearby fell to the ground.

With her hair flaring red Akiha looked down at Shiki like Buddha looking down at the monkey king. Her voice was tone dead but firm as she slowly spelt out, "I'm sorry nii-san," with not a hint of remorse in her eyes. "In apology I think I will ask Arcueid-san over to our house for dinner." Akiha paused here in apparent thought. "Why don't I ask Ciel-san over as well. Yes, I think that will do very well. Come with me Kohaku, I want to make some plans to greet our guests tomorrow."

Before Shiki could say anything in reply Akiha and Kohaku returned to the mansion with a dark aura hanging over them. When he could think past the terror that Akiha had left him with Shiki put his head in his hands and stared into empty space. He stayed that way for a long time as he tried to think of a way to contain what looked to be a growing catastrophe. Even Hisui's gentle pleas for him to cheer up went ignored in his gloom.

This was very much a not good situation.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

The fateful day...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

"Huhuhu... The big event is here Akiha-sama."

Chuckling evilly while crouched over the control panel for the mansion's security center, Kohaku seemed very different from her usual cheerful self. She was no comparison however to Akiha who was intently watching the screens from the big chair in the middle of the room.

"Is everything prepared?" Akiha asked Kohaku in an authoritative voice.

"Yes, my lady!" Kohaku snapped to attention and gave her Akiha a salute.

"Make sure nii-san doesn't interfere Kohaku," Akiha got up and went to the door, giving Kohaku final orders before she left the room. "Come down soon. Can't keep the guest waiting now, can we?"

Once Akiha had left Kohaku checked all the systems to make sure they were working. All the lights were green. Satisfied, she then turned around to check on Shiki-san, who was lieing unconscious on the floor by the other wall.

"Shiki-sa~an," Kohaku called out.

No response.

"Ara ara," Kohaku pouted. "I wanted him to watch this."

A shadow stole over Kohaku, life drained out of her eyes to leave dull glassy golden orbs that held not a trace of her usual cheer.

"After all today is the day when I finally get my vengeance for..." Kohaku's voice trailed off into nothingness.

There was a manila folder lieing on the top of the control panel that was labelled "Operation Cat-killer". Someone had drawn a line through that and written "Kill Them All" with red ink instead in Kohaku's handwriting.

On the screens one could see Akiha greeting someone in a nun's robe as she walked in...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

"What are you planning this time, Akiha-chan?" a suspicious Ciel asked as soon as she was admitted.

Akiha batted her eyelashes in perfect imitation of a demure yamato nadeshiko, "My, what do you mean Ciel-san?"

Insincere smiles and frosty blue eyes faced off. Velvet malice confronted its reflection in this clash between the two girls. The tension was broken short of critical point by Kohaku's entry onto the scene.

"Ah... Akiha-sama. The tea is ready," Kohaku announced in an uncharacteristically timid voice.

Reminded of her original purpose by the maid's intervention, Akiha returned some semblance of her normal collected self. If her hair showed a slight tinge of auburn among the normal jet black strands it was probably just UV damage.

"What am I doing," Akiha remarked. "Please come into the lounge and have a cup of tea while we wait for Arcueid-san."

"Shik~i! Imouto-cha~an! I'm here!" came the sudden cry from outside.

"Speak of the devil," Akiha grumbled under her breath. Ciel didn't look very happy about the newcomer either.

With a loud crash the doors to the mansion were flung wide open, barely missing Kohaku who had reached out to open them, and Arcueid came charging in to fling herself at Akiha. The unexpected assault took Akiha by surprise and before she knew it Arcueid had already wrapped her in a warm embrace.

"Afternoon, imouto-chan!" Arcueid didn't give Akiha any time to respond. "Does your inviting me over like this mean you have finally accepted me as your onee-san?"

Arcueid's question brought a quick reaction from the other party in the form of a resounding, "NO!"

The quick rejection put Arcueid into a sulk and made her cling to Akiha even more. With Arcueid's generous bust pressing against her, cracks began to appear in Akiha's calm facade, but she suppressed her murderous desires to once again put on the mask of a gracious host.

"Arcueid-san, Ciel-san, why don't we retire to the lounge and talk in comfort while we wait for nii-san," Akiha said politely. She led the others in and pointed out their seats.

Upon her mentioning Shiki Arcueid's spirits instantly recovered.

"Oh! Where is Shiki, imouto-chan? I have to give him my present," Arcueid asked, a huge grin on her face.

"Nii-san is out right now but he should be back well before dinner," Akiha lied, then her eyes narrowed as she processed the rest of what Arcueid had just said. "Ah, a present? What kind of present?"

"A Valentines chocolate!" Arcueid squealed. "Kohaku told me about it yesterday so I brought one."

Tick, tock.

Valentine's chocolate. The ticking of the grandfather clock was the only sound in the room after that verbal hand grenade went off.

"Ha, ha, ha," Ciel let out a strangled approximation of laughter. "What a surprise Arcueid, I never thought that the princess of the True Ancestors would participate in such a silly human tradition."

"Why is it silly?" asked Arcueid.

A pair of glasses appeared out of some hidden recess of the pocketless robe and were slipped on. Ciel-sensei's lecture on Valentines was about to begin, "Because St Valentine was a -."

"Ciel-san? What kind of curry would you like me to make for you tonight?" Kohaku suddenly called from the kitchen.

Religious significances forgotten, Ciel instantly leapt off the sofa, "Curry? Wait, let me -."

Plop.

The executioner froze, hers and all the other eyes in the room were drawn to the carpet where a pink, heart-shaped box wrapped with a red ribbon lay after falling out of Ciel's robe.

"Well, well, Ciel-san," Akiha murmured. "Do go on. What was that about Valentine's being a silly human tradition?"

Stammers were the only answer to come out of Ciel's mouth as she wilted under the scrutiny of Akiha and Arcueid.

"Is that for Shiki, Ciel?" Arcueid asked the only other person in the room with a bust that could compete with hers.

"Yes it is," Ciel replied defiantly.

In a manga there would have been lightning flashes crossing between Arcueid and Ciel as they glared at each other. There would also have been shadowy claws hanging over both of them as Akiha's irritation manifested itself in physical form.

She stood up and slapped the tea table to draw the attention of the two unwelcome guests, "Nii-san is an university student so please stop distracting him with such frivolous gifts," Akiha shouted in righteous fury. "Having you two do this sort of thing -."

"Akiha-sama," Kohaku glided into the room bearing a box of ferrero rocher chocolates and three rolls of wrapping paper. "Which paper did you want me to wrap the chocolates in? I personally think this red one is nice but I thought that the pink one could work too."

The unforeseen revelation of her hypocrisy made Akiha the target of some pretty contemptuous glances from the executioner and caused a confused frown to appear on Arcueid's face. Unable to say anything in her defence Akiha opted for the easy out.

"Use the red one Kohaku," she quickly told her. "Leave it in the kitchen when you are done, please." Once Kohaku had left Akiha sat down and avoided meeting the others' eyes.

"Hoho, Tohno-san," Ciel chuckled maliciously. "Isn't it pretty indecent of you to give chocolates to Tohno-kun? He is your brother..."

"I don't know about indecent, but I thought that you were supposed to only give these to the boy you like?" Arcueid went on totally oblivious to the situation. "It's a bit weird for you to be giving them to Shiki, Akiha-chan."

"Indecent?" Akiha ground out. "If you want to talk about something indecent what about your clothes you stupid vampire!"

Arcueid looked down at herself. Black lace drape over a tight fitting white shirt, frilly black skirt, lace stockings. Nothing seemed out of place or loose.

"Is there something wrong with my clothes Akiha-chan?" she asked in all earnesty.

Veins popped out on Akiha's forehead. She couldn't believe the nerve of this vampire. Coming in here with a shirt so tight that the top button was straining to break free. Waving those absurdly large things in a person's face...

Ciel noticed the objects Akiha was glaring at and smiled mischeivously. She had just thought of something amusing.

"Ah, I wonder when Tohno-kun will get here," she asked out loud, stretching out her arms as she did. The action made her own impressive chest swell out and become visible even under the loose clerical robes.

The action didn't go unnoticed by Akiha whose fingers were going white as she clenched them into tight fists. Ciel's smile grew wider as she saw how much she had managed to anger the jealous brat who kept getting in between her and Tohno-kun. She didn't really know why Akiha thought she had a chance. Someone who was as flat as her had no hope of winning a man's heart.

Arcueid chose that moment to put down her cup of tea. The view as she leant down reminded Ciel that there was one person here who could prove troublesome in that regard. She absorbed herself with plans to try and rid herself of the nuisance as she drained her own cup of Darjeeling.

Seeing both Arcueid and Ciel drink their tea, Akiha sipped at her cup to hide the slight smile that appeared on her face. It was still early but it was hard not to laugh when she knew that they had just ingested enough soporifics and hallucinogens to send the population of Tokyo on a bender. She was safe as her cup was the only one that the drugs hadn't been added to.

Which was why seeing that green carp dancing in the corner didn't faze Akiha at all. She knew she was fine therefore there was nothing she had to be surprised about. When Arcueid and Ciel started muttering things about flying curry pots and whirling lights Akiha laughed out loud. The plan had worked! Now she wouldn't have to worry about anyone interfering with... With... Huh? Why was the snowman... Snowman was dimming the pretty lights... Weee~...

The three girls at the table collapsed more or less simultaneously. Church executioner, True Ancestor, and Demon blood carrier they may have been, but in the face of enough modern chemistry not even they could triumph.

Especially not after Kohaku had finished with them.

The person most likely to be behind this incident came out of the kitchen upon hearing the noise. Her hands were red with what looked to be blood and was so expressionless compared to her normal self that it was scary. When she saw the scene in the lounge however she let out an exclamation of alarm and rushed over to see what was wrong.

At which point another her came into the lounge from the foyer, creepy smile and all.

"Nee-san!" wailed the worried Kohaku, Hisui in disguise really. "What did you do to Akiha-sama and the others?"

Kohaku, the real one, giggled. It was a sound fit to bring a shiver down anybody's back if heard in the night.

"They only got what they deserved Hisui-chan," when Kohaku looked at Hisui again it was with vacant gold-amber eyes that would have been more suitable in a doll. "This is my revenge Hisui. These wretched people have to pay for what they did."

Hisui was scared. Something was wrong with her sister. She had only decided to help Kohaku act this out today because she had been told it would be a harmless practical joke. This went far beyond a joke, Akiha-sama and the others looked like they were dead.

"Nee-san..." whispered Hisui, tears beaded in the corners of her eyes.

Consumed by the madness that had come over her, Kohaku ignored Hisui as she continued her rant.

"I was going to forgive them. I really was. But then even Shiki-san got involved. Even Shiki-san..." Kohaku's voice got quieter and quieter but the darkness around her only kept on getting deeper.

"Nee-san, what happened? Tell me!" Hisui beseeched Kohaku. What had Shiki-sama and the others done to cause this dramatic return of her sister's dark side? What new horror had they perpetrated on her to make her so angry with them?

Kohaku finally took notice of Hisui. Her head came around and her eyes stared into Hisui's as if wondering whether or not she could withstand hearing of the horrors behind her madness. After what seemed an eternity to her worried sister, Kohaku uttered six words in explanation.

"They ate my Cookies-and-Cream."

... $#%&?!

Stunned by the revelation, Hisui couldn't do anything but sit there and watch as Kohaku got out an empty ice-cream tub and cradled it within her arms.

"Oh, you will be avenged my precious," Kohaku crooned to the tub. "Those thieving vixens who murdered you will all pay for what they did."

Even Hisui had to admit that she was getting disturbed by Kohaku's actions.

"Wait a second nee-san..." Hisui held up a hand to stop Kohaku for a moment. "Are you telling me you killed them because they ate your ice-cream?"

The normal Kohaku flickered back into existence in order to explain things.

"Hisui! How could you think that?" Kohaku chastised her. "They aren't dead, they are just going to wish they were when they wake up in a few hours time. Besides," the dead eyes and the creepy voice returned. "They are only getting what they deserved for killing Cookie-san."

Baffled by the turn of events Hisui gave up trying to understand the situation or her sister and closed her eyes. Everything would be back to normal when she woke up. Everything would be back to normal. At least she hoped it would be so.

As Hisui slipped off into dreamland Kohaku continued mourning the death of Cookie-san until Len came out of the kitchen with a tray in her hands. The familiar was in her human form and tugged at the hem of Kohaku's kimono to get her attention.

"Len-chan?" sunny-side Kohaku returned again. "What do you have there? Cookies? Oh, how nice. You are giving me one? In that case," Kohaku took the offered cookie and popped it in her mouth.

Her face instantly went white.

"This... This is..." Kohaku stared at Len in horror before she fell to the floor and started having convulsions.

Len waited until she was sure that Kohaku had been taken out of the picture before she put the rest of the cookies in the bin. She had taken them from the kitchen where Hisui had been experimenting with baking. One sniff had been enough to nearly knock her out so she had been sure that it would be enough to do the job.

Problem solved, Len yawned and went out into the garden. The sun had yet to set and a nap in the warm golden light before dinner-time sounded heavenly.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

It was close to eight when everyone had recovered enough to sit up without seeing fluffy pink spiders crawling all over their bodies. In the meantime Shiki had broken free of the chains Kohaku had left him in and had made his way down to the lounge where Hisui explained what she knew of the situation to him.

In the end the only casualty of the whole incident had been Kohaku. On top of a mild case of food poisoning she had a head-cracker of a brain-freeze after Akiha and Ciel force-fed her seven litres of cookies-and-cream. The final blow had come from Arcueid who had revealed the fact that Kohaku had helped her choose her new wardrobe. Suffice it to say that Akiha was not pleased with her personal maid helping a rival to emphasise what assets were painfully absent on her mistress's body.

"I still can't believe Kohaku did this," Akiha complained to Shiki.

It was after a late dinner. The entire cast, apart from Kohaku who had been sent to hospital, were peacefully seated in the lounge drinking green tea that Ciel had brewed. Akiha's complaint brought a nod of agreement from the executioner and the vampire princess.

"I never thought I would say this Tohno-kun, but that maid of yours can be scary," Ciel commented.

Arcueid shook her head, "Kohaku was weird today. She's usually so nice, like yesterday when she told me what a Valentine's was."

The air turned frigid in an instant. Mention of Valentine's had reminded the girls as to why they were here in the first place. Ciel smiled at Akiha, who was smiling back while glaring icicles at Arcueid, who was...

"Happy Valentines Shiki!" Arcueid cried out as she jumped into the seat beside him.

The white princess had gotten out a handful of Hershey's Kisses and had one unwrapped in her fingers.

"Kohaku told me to get chocolates so I got the ones you bought when we went out to the amusement park," Arcueid smiled at the memory and Shiki would have smiled back had he not a horrible premonition as to where this was going.

"Do you want me to feed you like last time?" saying that Arcueid placed the unwrapped chocolate in between her lips and leaned towards Shiki.

Contact was never established as Akiha and Ciel dragged her away with murder in their eyes. There was the sound of violence from the foyer then Akiha and Ciel walked back in after dusting their hands.

"Like last time, nii-san?" Akiha hissed, staring holes into Shiki's head.

"What did you do with the vampire Tohno-kun?" Ciel asked from beside her. "Oh, I just remembered" Ciel put a hand to her mouth as if surprised. "Here's my present, Tohno-kun." Ciel held out the heart-shaped box that she had brought. "Happy Valentines!" she told him with a beaming smile.

Crash. The executioner was knocked to the ground by a meteor like fist from behind.

Dispatching Ciel with a single blow was not something that Akiha could have done under normal circumstances. In the last few hours however her irritation with all these interfering pests had grown to the point where her rage was sufficient to overwhelm even Arcueid at full power.

"My my, nii-san," Akiha said, malice was in the air. "You really must enjoy being around tramps like these two."

By this point, Shiki had given up on safety and was simply praying that Akiha wouldn't kill him. Just why she so disliked him associating with Arcueid and Ciel he would never know.

"Come to think of it, nii-san. We never did find out who you got that chocolate from when we were little, did we?" added Akiha. "Then again, it was probably some shameless hussy like that vampire."

The red demon goddess drew closer to Shiki. He unconsciously shrank back in his seat. Mutilation beckoned.

Suddenly, Hisui cleared her throat and butted into the conversation, "Actually Akiha-sama... It was you."

"Huh?"

"What did you say Hisui?"

Brother and sister turned to face Hisui, surprise evident in the startled looks they gave her. The shy maid blushed at the sudden scrutiny and hid her face behind the platter she had in her hands.

"The girl who gave the Valentine's chocolate to Shiki-sama back then. It was you Akiha-sama," said Hisui.

What followed was a long, awkward silence as the two Tohno siblings racked their memories to try and corroborate what Hisui had just told them. The first sign of rememberance came from Akiha, whose face slowly turned crimson in a process akin to the sky being dyed red at sunrise, until she was so red as to be steaming.

"Ah..." Akiha stammered.

"Ah..." she tried again.

"Ah... Excuse me, nii-san!"

Akiha ran out of the lounge red-faced with embarrassment. Left behind, Shiki sighed in relief and lay back on the sofa.

"Whew, thanks for that Hisui. I should be safe now until Akiha realises it wasn't real," said Shiki.

Hisui frowned and came over to Shiki's side, "Shiki-sama."

"Yes Hisui?"

To his surprise Hisui rapped him on the head with the platter, quite firmly too.

"Hisui?" Shiki was in shock. Hisui had hit him?

His maid looked down at him with an expression he had never seen on her face before. Contempt?

"I wasn't lieing Shiki-sama," Hisui told him. "Akiha-chan really did give you a Valentine's when we were little. Now, if you will excuse me I need to clean up the mess."

Shiki instinctively moved to help her but Hisui waved him aside. He have in and sat back down. It had only been an instinctive reaction anyhow, he was too surprised by Hisui's actions and words to do anything but sit there feeling numb.

"Akiha gave me a Valentines?" he muttered to himself.

No one, not Ciel (still unconscious) or God (who Shiki didn't really believe in) had an answer for him.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

The clock tolled the midnight hour when Shiki staggered into his room to sleep. Restraining Arcueid's antics and sempai's reactions to them had been a tiring business, made harder by the fact that he was still distracted by his whatever had happened all those years ago.

Turning off the lights, Shiki laid himself out onto the bed in anticipation of getting a good night's sleep after the day's exertions. Perhaps thirty or so seconds had passed when he realised that his pillow was, well, harder than usual.

He got up and lifted the offending article up. There was a box of some sort underneath. He flicked the switch on the bedside lamp to get a better look. It was a square box wrapped in red paper. A little worse for the wear after his head had rested upon it.

Curious, Shiki cut the ribbon with his ever-present knife and unwrapped the present. A box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates peeked out at him.

He was wondering if Hisui had put it there when a card fell out. Shiki opened it without a thought.

It read, 'To the greatest brother in the world - Love, Akiha.'

"What's with this kind of childish message Akiha," Shiki chuckled, but even as he said that he had a strange feeling of nostalgia.

"- the best brother in the world, nii-san," he remembered a childish voice whispering in his ear.

"But I'm not your brother Akiha," he remembered telling the little girl hugging him. "SHIKI is."

A pause in the reel, then...

"Baka-nii!" Akiha screeched. All Shiki remembered after that was the pain of having his face slapped.

He couldn't help himself, Shiki began laughing quietly.

"So it was true after all," he muttered to himself. "She hasn't really changed since then has she."

The thought cheered him up as he slipped off into the lands of sleep. Tomorrow... He would have to thank Akiha... For today and back then...

/END - Valentine's Day Massacre (Tsukihime Style)

**Epilogue**

"La~lala~lala," Satsuki burbled happily as she skipped down the road towards the Tohno residence. She had a heart-shaped package in her hands.

She stopped beneath a lamp-post to check the package again. Ribbon in place, paper well wrapped. Perfect.

"Huhuhu," she whispered with a vampiric grin. "It's finally the day. The day when I get Shiki with this! Love-love chocolate no. 9!"

She held up the package to the sky, tears streaming out of her eyes as she remembered how it had been obtained. Explosions and gunshots featured prominently in her memories, and other mental scars would never be forgotten. Still, it had all been worth it to obtain this legendary item, guaranteed to make the target fall in love with the giver.

Satsuki was so distracted by dreams of Shiki taking her in his arms to do **** and ***** that she didn't hear the approaching wailing of an ambulance siren. She was still standing out in the middle of the road when the medical vehicle screeched around the corner, to run into her and send the box flying off into the night.

"Oh man, I think we just hit someone!" the paramedic said as he got off to inspect the damage.

"Bring her on!" the driver told him. "We are taking the lady in the back to hospital anyway. What's one more?"

The paramedic got a stretcher out from the back and with the driver's help soon had Satsuki restrained. They ignored her desperate pleas for them to leave her alone as a standard patient's moans of pain and stuffed her in beside the other woman they were taking to hospital. Someone in a kimono of all things to wear in this still chilly weather.

"Okay, she's in!" the paramedic said as he strapped himself in again.

"No... The chocolates...." Satsuki groaned.

"It's okay maam," the paramedic gently told her. "We are taking you to a hospital, you are going to be alright."

"No, you idiot! My... My..." she stretched out a trembling arm with all the strength that remained in her.

The paramedic took her hand as the ambulance started to drive off, leaving the box of chocolate behind somewhere upon the streets.

"Just close your eyes and go to sleep maam," the paramedic pat her hand. "You will be fine when you wake up again."

Tears of frustration filled Satsuki's eyes, mistaken for tears of pain and gratitude by the paramedic who went back to making sure the two patients' vitals were okay. If she had the strength Satsuki would have ripped out his throat right then and there.

The ambulance hit a box of old magnetic alphabets that had been thrown out as it screeched around another corner. Some of the letters hit the window and stuck there.

"Isn't it sad Sacchin?" They spelt out for an instant before they fell away.

Satsuki saw the message, and she started bawling. Why? Why couldn't things go right for once in her life?! She screamed out to the gods from within her mind.

Which was when the ambulance drove into a newly dug gutter.

There was a construction warning a few metres down the road that the driver had missed. The shock of the crash jostled the panel of the sign off to reveal another message underneath, written in dripping red ink upon a white background.

_Because it's sadder this way Sacchin._


	6. Chapter 6

Heaven lay beyond a bakery window.

Glazed pastries and cream-filled buns tempted passers-by from the shopfront display. Sugary goodness that started saliva flowing in the mouths of anyone who stopped to stare. One would then notice the sweet and fluffy smell that escaped from inside everytime the door opened and closed. Together with the visuals it was enough to set anyone's stomach growling.

Len was no exception. The cute little girl in the black dress drew the attention of shoppers as she stood fixated before the bakery. Len didn't notice the stares and kept looking from left to right. Her eyes going wide as she took in the sight of all the delicious pastries just behind the glass. Never in her long life had she imagined that a place like this could exist. So many different sweet things in one place... It was like seeing a piece of heaven upon earth.

"Len-chan! Here you were. You had us all worried!"

The focus of attention for the male shoppers in the area suddenly switched to this shining example of the female species who had suddenly appeared at Len's side. Kohaku was the kind of beauty who could draw stares just by walking down this busy street, her usual attire of a kimono was the metaphorical icing on the cake.

Kohaku looked a little displeased with Len as she crouched down beside Shiki's familiar. She took hold of Len by her shoulders and turned the small girl around to face her. It took a bit of effort before Len reluctantly tore her eyes away from the window to look at her.

"Len-chan, you shouldn't go off by yourself like that!" Kohaku berated her. "Otherwise you will have perverts like that thing following you home again."

Kohaku pointed behind herself without bothering to turn around and look, her finger perfectly in line with one of the four fat and sweaty men who had been slowly creeping towards Len with phone cameras in hand. Seeing that they had been detetcted they retreated into the dark corners of humanity they had come from to wait for a target who didn't have such a deadly guardian.

Len watched them go and lightly shook her head. The sheer number of such poor men in this country never ceased to amaze her. She couldn't step out of the mansion in this form without stepping on one.

"Let's go then, Len-chan," Kohaku said as she stood up again. "Shiki-san and Hisui-chan will be worried."

Taking her hand, Kohaku led (dragged) Len away from the bakery towards where Shiki and Hisui were waiting for them. With sad eyes the feline familiar watched the portal to heaven recede into the distance behind them. She later forgot about the whole incident as she went around the shopping mall with her master and his maids.

Only to be reminded of it when they passed the shop on their way out.

Over the next few days Len spent many restless hours of every day dreaming of all the wonderful snacks she had seen there. It was when she saw Hisui throw out her latest batch of failed creations that she realised how she could eat such things any time she wished.

She just had to learn how to bake.

**The Satsujinki Cooking Diaries**

**Recipe 6 - Kitty Cake**

Day 1...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Humans were so inconsiderate.

Len collapsed onto a seat and sulked as she stared up at the cupboards. She had been gathering what she needed for her very first attempt at baking bread and had run up against an unexpected obstacle to her plans.

In the real world, shortcomings in height were absolute.

Getting the milk and eggs had been easy enough. The fridge was a little big but not so big as to cause problems. The cupboards on the other hand presented a real challenge. By climbing onto the kitchen benches she had managed to get her hands on the flour but the sugar had proved to be out of her reach.

When no solution conveniently presented itself, Len got to her feet and started looking around for one. She considered putting a chair up on the bench and then standing on it but dismissed the idea as too risky. The cupboard she needed to get to was above the fridge so there was no way to stand beneath it. She would have to lean out and try to reach it, not something she wished to try while standing atop a haphazardly placed chair.

It was then that Len spotted something in the corner of her eyes. A mop and a bucket? When she thought about it she seemed to remember Hisui saying she needed to mop the floor before she got dragged out by Shiki and the others. The maid had probably been the one to place them there then. Lucky for her. Seeing those items had given her an idea.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Clack.

Len finally managed to fumble the latch to the cupboard open. She put down the long-handled mop she had been using and wiped the sweat from her forehead. Swinging around a tool that was longer than she was tall was hard work. Especially if you weren't using it for the purpose it had been intended for.

With the first obstacle passed Len studied the problem once more. The sugar bag she could see was at the very front. That would make her life a lot easier. The only problem that now remained was how to get it down from that height without scattering sugar all over the place. Well that would have been the problem without the aid of the contraption she had put together. The bucketmop was ready to be used.

Carefully, Len raised the mop that had a bucket lashed to the end towards the lofty seat of the sugar. The plan was that she would knock the sugar off with the mop end, gravity would do the rest and the sugar bag would fall into the bucket. Simple.

The extra weight made the whole thing a bit hard to handle at first and Len winced as she heard a bottle being knocked over. It stopped before it reached the edge however and Len breathed a small sigh of relief. Once she was sure it was safe Len tried again. She got a little closer this time but still couldn't do more than brush the bag with the end of the mop.

Len put down the mop and stretched her arms. This was harder than she thought it would be.

After a little rest she tried once more. A bit of twisting got the mop behind the bag and Len smiled in anticipation as she carefully eased the bag forward on the shelf it was on. Inch by inch, only a tiny distance now separated it from the edge.

One last tug tipped the bag over and just as planned the bag fell into the waiting receptacle below. Pleased by the success of her plan Len smiled broadly and made a little twirl. Unfortunately, she had forgotten another basic rule about the real world she had no power over.

Physics dictated that motion imparted energy to an object. Sufficient energy overcame any resistance it faced. The string that held the bucket in place, already strained by the additional weight of the sugar, could not withstand the strain put upon it as the bucket spun around and gave way. With predictable results.

When all the clattering had died down Len risked a peek through half-closed eyes. There was a noticeable dent on the wall where the bucket had impacted, and the sugar had made a mess on the floor when the bag spilt.

Sigh. It was a good thing that the mop and the bucket were already here, thought Len, it would at least make it easier to clean up the mess...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Day 2...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Len rolled up her sleeves and looked at the ingredients spread out across the kitchen bench before her.

A few minutes of gesturing had communicated to Kohaku the fact that Len wanted to bake something. She had gotten everything down for her and told her to try and keep things tidy before she went off to get ready to tend the...

Len paused here as her mind rebelled against the word she had almost used. Nothing that monstrous could be called a vegetable garden. One little walk through the fenced off area behind the mansion had been enough to convince Len of Kohaku's twisted genius.

Kohaku came back through the kitchen after gathering her gardening tools from the storage room. It didn't surprise Len in the least when she spotted what looked suspiciously like a flamethrower among the eclectic collection of hardware the maid was carrying behind her back.

"Have fun, Len-chan!" Kohaku told her as she went outside.

Len watched her go then turned back to the task at hand. She wasn't sure what she was going to try and make.

Another little pause. Actually, she wasn't quite sure how to bake either.

Len looked around to see if there were any recipe books around. She couldn't see anything like that and was about to go and ask Kohaku when she saw a small notebook on the coffee table, nearly hidden by the box of tissues on top of it. Half-hoping it was a recipe book Len got it out and opened it up.

_"Thinking about him I slept,_

_only to have him appear before me._

_He whispered to me,_

_Don't speak._

_His fingers traced a lazy path on my breast._

_Leaving a burning trail where -"_

Thwap. Her face burning, Len slammed the notebook shut.

Dangerous, this was dangerous. Len looked at the cover of the notebook to see if there were any clues as to the owner but none were forthcoming. Something in her memories however told her that she had seen something similar to this before. With that in mind she considered her options.

Hisui was out. There was no way a shy girl like her would write something so bold. Kohaku was more likely to write BDSM fantasies so that wasn't the answer. Shiki... She couldn't remember Shiki writing anything, not even a diary, so that didn't seem right either. That only left...

A prickling sensation on her back warned her of impending danger. Len carefully put the notebook down and slowly turned around.

... Akiha... Was watching her...

The head of the Tohno family was trembling was she stared at her with sharp eyes. Len tried an easy grin to test the waters and was not relieved to see a frozen smile appear on Akiha's face.

"Len-san," Akiha said in a slithering voice. "Did you happen to take a look at that notebook I left there?"

Len began to nod without thinking before her sanity asserted itself to change the motion into a shake of the head. Too late. Akiha's eyes narrowed as she stepped forward.

"Could I perhaps convince you to forget everything you just saw?" Akiha asked Len, her hair was starting to turn red. She came closer and Len started backing away, stopping only when she ran into the fridge. "No? In that case Len-san... This might get a little ugly..."

Len gulped. By the looks of things she wouldn't be baking anything today either.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Day 3...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

This time she was going to get something in the oven.

There was a determined light in Len's eyes as she got to work in the (partially) refurbished kitchen. The failures of the past two attempts had started to stress even her calm nature and she wasn't going to let anything get between her and floury ecstasy today.

A large bowl half filled with flour stood before her. Though she still only had a vague idea as to how things were supposed to be done Len pressed on, cracking open five eggs and adding it to the flour. The mixture that resulted was more crumbly than rubbery, it was also too yellow from the egg yolks. Len wondered what she had done wrong before she remembered the milk. She tried adding half a cup. Still too floury. Another half cup. The same as before.

Len frowned and looked at the milk bottle. There was only about one cup's worth of milk left. Len decided that she may as well and added the whole thing to the mix.

She soon regretted the decision as the dough melted into a syrupy mess that ran through her fingers when she tried to pick it up.

An attempt at a rescue ended before it had even begun. When Len looked to add some more flour she saw an empty bag and realised that she had used it all already.

A little depressed but still willing to forge ahead, Len got back to work after indulging in a short teary sulk. She had vowed to bake something today and wasn't about to break that promise to herself.

That resolve ran into a brick wall when she reached for the sugar. Or rather, the empty bag where the sugar should have been. The victim of her actions during the first attempt.

Len spent a few minutes after that hitting her head against a wall.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Ting!

Furry ears perked up at the sound of the timer reaching zero. Len had gone to sleep in her feline form while she waited to see the end product of her first foray into the world of bread. She jumped down from the coffee table and slid into her human form so that she could take a look in the oven.

She had been a little worried after she poured the dough into the container, but the contents of the round baking tray looked alright from where she was standing. A little smoother than she had expected, but apart from that it looked like bread. With not a little anticipation, Len put on the oven gloves and carefully took the tray out.

A delightfully sweet and floury smell rose from the pale yellow bread in the tray. Her stomach growled when she took a whiff. The honey she had added in place of the sugar seemed to have worked. She moved quickly to tip the bread out onto the plate she had prepared and got a knife and fork ready so that she could have a taste.

The chairs were a bit high so when Len climbed on to take a seat her legs were swinging in the air. There was a slight but cute smile on her face as she took hold of the fork. Len looked happy. To be expected under the circumstances. Bread in front of her and the prospect of more in the future, baked better than this one as well, how could she get happier than that?

She would have been humming a tune if she could have as she got ready to eat. Since that was beyond her she was swaying her body like a child as her fork came down.

Tock.

The tines of the fork bounced off the top of the bread. Confused, Len tried again.

Scraaape.

The same thing. The fork refused to dig in. Len tried prodding the bread to see what was wrong with it and soon came to a conclusion.

What had come out of the oven wasn't bread. It was a floury rock.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

"Len-chan? What's wrong?"

Hisui had come into the kitchen looking for her sister and had found Len there instead. There was a visible air of gloom around the little girl as she sat there with her head face down on the table. As she watched Len slowly turned her face to confirm that it was Hisui then went back to her face-down position.

It was a little worrying. In Hisui's memory this was her first time seeing Len like this, she was a bit quiet usually but never gloomy. She wondered again what was wrong.

Her eyes travelled across the scenery in the kitchen before ending up at the round mass sitting on the table in front of Len. That was enough to tell her the basic outlines of what had happened.

"Is that the bread you made Len-chan?" Hisui asked, intending to try and start a conversation.

The gloom around Len deepened.

Noting that she had just stepped on a mine Hisui tried to turn the topic around.

"It's alright Len-chan," Hisui came over and tried to take a piece from the bread to see what was wrong with it. The fact that the fork bounced off was answer enough. Covering a smile with her hand, Hisui stroked the back of Len's head. "Don't worry about it, everyone does something wrong the first time," the maid told the familiar.

Len sank even further into her depression. She was being commiserated with about her cooking skills by Hisui. How much worse could it get?

"If you didn't do so well this time, why don't we try baking together next time Len-chan?" Hisui kindly suggested, with not a thought as to how a normal person may feel about the suggestion.

She shouldn't have asked.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Day 4...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

To her surprise Hisui actually seemed to know what she was doing when it came to making cookies.

With practised hands the maid had mixed together all the standard ingredients and now had a respectable bowl of cookie dough sitting in a bowl. Len had watched and inscribed all the steps in the process into her memory. Normally she wouldn't have trusted anything to do with Hisui and cooking but the sheer competence that the shy maid had shown during the process had overcome any reservations the familiar had kept.

"Oh dear," Len turned towards Hisui who had been rummaging through the contents of a cupboard. "We seem to have run out of chocolate chips," said Hisui.

Sighing to herself Hisui came back over to the bench where they had been working. She stood there for a few seconds before she went over to open the fridge. Len wondered what she was doing, and her confusion only deepened when Hisui's hands came out holding some carrots and oranges.

Hisui noticed Len's inquisitive look and gave her a slight smile.

"This isn't anything special, Len-chan," Hisui told her as she laid the items out on the bench and proceeded to start chopping them up. "I just thought that it would be better to give the cookies some taste instead of putting them in plain like that. Oranges and carrots taste nice so they should go together well in the cookies, don't you think so too, Len-chan?"

The familiar had no answer for her. Len's brain hadn't yet caught up with the sudden turn this exercise in baking had taken and was still trying to process the fact that someone thought it would be a good idea to throw carrot and orange pieces into a cookie.

"Hmm," Hisui had already mixed the orange and carrot into the dough and had taken a little taste. "I think it's still missing something... A hint of this wouldn't hurt, would it?" Hisui was asking that as she added a can of creamed corn to the mix.

The maid continued to augment the original recipe as Len stood by. The familiar wanted to ask what in the world Hisui was thinking. She really did. Two things stopped her. One, that she couldn't talk. Two, she was too fascinated by the process going on in front of her eyes. She had often wondered how it was that Hisui's cooking always ended up so... _Interesting_. This was the answer. Len made a note to herself that if she made something she should never try for an 'interesting' or 'unique' taste. That way lay disaster.

The condition of the dough could have degenerated further if it wasn't for an intervention from above.

"Hisui-cha~an! Could you come here for a moment?" Kohaku called Hisui from the second floor.

Being called by her older sister seemed to return some of Hisui's sanity, as evidenced by the fact that she stopped before she added the fry batter powder to the dough. Leaving the dough aside she washed off her hands in the kitchen sink and turned to look at Len before she went up.

"Len-chan, could you dole the dough out onto a baking tray and put it into the oven to cook?" she asked of Len. "Put the timer for twenty minutes. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Len nodded in response and Hisui left the kitchen after thanking her. In the silent that her absence created Len took the chance to study the cookie dough she was now supposed to dish out.

It was... Interesting. That was the best thing she could say about the multi-coloured clay sitting in the bowl.

Her skin felt like it was crawling up her arms as she dished out the dough into lumps on the baking tray. Just what was in here? She had lost track once Hisui threw in the rose petals.

She had deep reservations as to what the result would be but Len put the tray into the oven and set the timer. It wasn't anything for her to worry about anyway. All in all today hadn't been so bad. She had learnt a valuable lesson in the do's and dont's of baking. The experience would be useful in the future. Plus she could always escape having to taste the cookies by transforming into her cat form. The only ones who might possibly be forced to eat this were Shiki and Akiha.

The doorbell rung. When Len peeked out she saw Currygirl being greeted by Akiha. The mood around them was tense as usual but Akiha was smiling, an oddity in itself when coupled with Currygirl's presence. Len got the distinct impression that something interesting was about to happen and slipped out in her cat form so that she could get a better view.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Day 5...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

It. Was. Done.

With a satisfied sigh Len sank into her chair. The cake was in the oven and everything had been put back where she had found it. All that was left was to wait for the cake to finish baking then eat.

Everything had gone right today. She had obtained a recipe for chocolate cake from Kohaku and had managed to follow the steps for the most part until she had something that looked and felt right. Already the sweet smell from the chocolate chunks within the cake mix was filling the kitchens with a delicious aroma. Len couldn't wait for the timer to tick down to zero so that she could get down to enjoying her afternoon snack. All the more delicious because she was the one that had made it.

With twenty minutes still to go until the cake was ready Len decided to go out and relax in the sunshine for a bit. It was the first fine day they had seen in a while and it seemed a pity to spend it all inside.

Len was almost skipping as she left the kitchen to go out to the verandah. Her happiness obvious to see. With the bit of flour she had smeared on her cheek she was a picture that would have driven 4% of the Japanese population to commit a crime.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

"Hey Shiki! Do you have anything to eat in this house? I'm famished, man."

"Check the kitchen, if Kohaku's in there you can ask her for something."

"Hello Kohaku-san! Ah? No one's here. Oh? OH! What's this? A chocolate cake? Hmmm smells delicious. Hey Shiki, is it okay if I eat this cake?"

"Cake? Since when did we have any - Hey! Arihiko! What the hell!"

"Mmmf? Mmph MMF!"

"Sigh... Finish what you have in your mouth first. Man, you need to rein in that stomach of yours one of these days."

"MMMF?!"

"Oi! I told you to stop speaking with your mouth full! You are spraying crumbs all over the kitchen. Kohaku and Hisui are going to be annoyed with me at this rate."

"Mmmph? Hck hck!"

"Ah, forget it."

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Two hours had gone by when Len came inside again, still a bit lightheaded from being out in the sun for so long. The weather had been so nice that she had fallen asleep. When she had woken up again her growling stomach had reminded her of the cake waiting for her.

The sight that greeted her eyes upon walking into the kitchen however made her stop and blink. It took her a while to confirm that she wasn't in a nightmare. What she was seeing was real.

On the kitchen bench, devoid of all but a few crumbs, the baking tin she had used for her cake had been left next to the sink. In other words...

Her cake was gone. Somebody had eaten her cake. There was, no, more, cake.

Len lost the strength to stand and slumped to the floor. Tears were beading in her eyes. This was just too much. As great as her expectation had been her disappointment was now greater and threatened to overwhelm her. Her depression deepened and deepened until finally it was too heavy to bear, and Len let it all out as only a human body could.

She began to cry.

**Epilogue - Aftermath**

Upon being told by Hisui that Len was crying Shiki rushed through the gates to go to the side of the familiar he had adopted. He still felt like he owed a debt to her from back when he had his accident and was determined to keep her happy and safe.

Of course, the fact that she was cuddly and cute probably had nothing to do with that sentiment.

A teary Len looked up at him when he came through the kitchen door. Sitting on the floor with her feet splayed out behind her and a streak of flour on her cheek, the familiar blinked upon seeing him then threw herself into his arms.

"Hey, Len. What's wrong?" Shiki gently asked her as he stroked her hair. Len seemed really sad about something and seeing her like that was making him sad.

"Oh, Shiki-san. You are back," said Kohaku as she came into the kitchen with a box in her hands.

"Kohaku, do you know why Len is crying?" he asked her. "She just keeps on crying and won't tell me anything."

Kohaku made a troubled face.

"I'm not sure but it might have something to do with the cake Len-chan baked today," she pointed at the empty baking tray. "Len-chan was really looking forward to eating it and it seems somebody else ate it all. Do you have any - ... Shiki-san? What's wrong?"

To all appearances Shiki had stopped breathing when the cake was mentioned. He was startled out of his daze by Kohaku calling his name and began cursing Arihiko under his breath. Damn it, he had told the idiot to stop eating!

"Shiki-san..." alerted by a change in tone Shiki looked up and instantly froze under Kohaku's serpentine glare. Kohaku had noticed Shiki's strange reaction and had gone into S mode, "... By any chance were you the one who ate Len-chan's cake?"

Hisui had followed Shiki inside at a more sedate pace and had come into the kitchen area just in time to hear Kohaku's accusation. Len too started up and looked at him with shocked eyes. Wilting under those outraged glares, Shiki tried to explain th situation.

"It wasn't me, honest!" That statement was somewhat lacking and the stares intensified. "Oh come on," Shiki groaned. "Arihiko was the one who ate most of it, I only had one tiny slice!"

Silence. Finally, Len sniffed and stood up so that she was looking at Shiki eye-to-eye. Shiki was wondering why when he felt something hit his face and spin him around. It was only when he felt the stinging heat on his left cheek that he realised what had happened.

Len... Had slapped him??

"Come on Len-chan," he heard Kohaku beckon. "Let's leave that inconsiderate jerk and go play in my room."

Still in shock from being slapped by Len Shiki watched Kohaku and Len leave without a word. At his side, Hisui looked like she was torn between helping him and feeling scorn. She finally settled for something in between and bowed to him, whispering, "You deserved that Shiki-sama," before she left as well.

First Len, and now Hisui as well? After receiving that double whammy Shiki felt like his world was turning upside down.

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

The next day...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

As he walked home with a shopping bag in hand, Shiki was surprised to note that Inui was standing in front of the mansion.

"Hey, what are you doing here again Inui?" Shiki called out to him.

Strangely nervous, Inui jumped upon being called out but seemed to calm down a little upon seeing that it was Shiki who had called out to him. He hurried up to Shiki and held out a plastic bag.

"Huh? What's this?" Shiki asked, puzzled.

"Take it," Inui flatly told him. "Just get it out of my hands, now."

The bag was pushed into his arms and Shiki fumbled it before he managed to get a secure grip on it. He gave Inui a weird look as he examined what was inside. It was... Pastries?

"Are you sending these to Akiha or something Inui?" Shiki finally asked when the silence between them stretched out for longer than was comfortable. "Because if it goes anything like last time..."

"No, no," Inui cut him off. "It's just that I got the distinct feeling that I was going to get killed unless I brought this here today. Geez, what was with that... I'm never eating a cake again..."

Muttering weird things under his breath Inui waved goodbye to Shiki and walked off, leaving his friend behind more confused then ever. Inui had felt like he was going to get killed? By who? And what did pastries have to do with it? Unless...

Shiki's eyes drifted over of their own accord to the shopping bag he held in his right hand. There was a selection of cakes inside from the new bakery that had opened up at the department store. Some dots began to be connected inside his head and Shiki transferred his stare towards the mansion.

"Nah... It couldn't be," Shiki shook his head and opened the gate. "Len wouldn't do something like that."

Kicking those useless thoughts to the back of his mind Shiki went inside. Hopefully the cakes would do something to get Len out of the mood she had been in...

-x--x--x--x--x--x-

Inside the mansion grounds Len's feline face had what looked suspiciously like a smirk as she watched Arihiko walk off. She kept her eyes on him until he disappeared from her sight, then changed over to her human form so that she could go and taste all the treats Shiki had brought home. The truth that she had just been able to confirm put a smile on her face as she headed inside.

Cakes were sweet, but revenge was sweeter.


	7. Chapter 7

Heh. This one was actually pretty much complete. Just added a few lines to the end and straightened it up a little. It's a bit... different from the usual so bear with me if it doesn't strike your fancy ;D

Ah, I forgot - MAY NOT BE SAFE FOR WORK

* * *

The prelude to a quiet night in Miyaki city started off with a bang. Or rather, a crack. The noise most likely caused by the black key that Ciel had just thrown between Shiki's legs, dangerously close to that organ most men held dear. Cold sweat ran down our unfortunate hero's back as he thought about how close that gleaming blade had come to castrating him. Frozen with shock and fear he barely listened as Ciel leant in to deliver her threat.

"Tohno-kun," Ciel said in a threatening voice. "You better behave yourself while I'm gone, especially in regards to that bloodsucker tramp. I can trust you to do that can't I?"

Shiki noted that Ciel's smile died out before it reached her eyes. Those frosty blue orbs shone instead with a cold blue flame that promised hell if his answer was not in line with their bearer's expectations. He quickly nodded and mumbled an affirmation that he would not let Arcueid step foot inside the mansion. It wasn't as if he had a choice in the matter.

Ciel's eyes warmed up again as she returned to her usual self. She gave his hair a good ruffle and backed away, saying, "Good, you just may be able to redeem yourself in the eyes of God after all Tohno-kun."

"I'm not a Christian Ciel-sempai," Tohno said in an ironic tone.

"God doesn't care about such petty details Tohno-kun," Ciel told him sweetly. Then her gaze turned chilly again, "Especially where vampires are involved."

Three black keys had appeared as if by magic in her hand and Shiki fought not to swallow. If he did he would cut his throat on the black key that Ciel held against his throat with her other hand.

"Uh, shouldn't you be going Ciel-sempai?" Shiki asked in an attempt to get her to calm down. "You did say your flight was at nine fifty didn't you?"

Ciel's eyes flickered towards the grandfather clock. The hands indicated that the time was five past eight.

"Huu... I suppose I should be leaving," Ciel said regretfully as she withdrew her weapons. Not even a member of the Burial Squad could completely ignore the reality of airport customs. Even as cursory as the examination of her bags would be, it would take her around half an hour to get through the process and board the plane. Add in the hour half that she needed to get to the airport and you could even say that Ciel was late for her flight.

"Don't forget what I said Tohno-kun," Ciel warned Shiki as she picked up her bags from where she had left them. "If I find out that you've been playing with the vampire while I wasn't there to protect you..."

"I'll be fine sempai," Shiki laughed nervously as he waved her out the door. "Have fun at the International Curry Fair."

He stood watching at the door until Ciel left the estate. She was still casting glances back at him when she went around the corner where he couldn't see her. When he was sure she was gone he sighed in relief and leant back against the door frame. Things had been quiet ever since Valentines and Shiki had been enjoying the peace. Which was why waking up to find Ciel-sempai standing above him with a black key at his throat had been a little more shocking than it should have been. He had half thought that she had finally decided that he was a heretic and was out to kill him and Arcueid.

Shiki closed the door and started to walk back up the stairs to his room. The sky was hazy and he had nothing in particular that needed doing today. More sleep sounded like a very good idea.

He was only halfway up the stairs when a moody Akiha came hurrying down with Kohaku in her wake. Unsure as to why she would be so grumpy from the morning Shiki waved her good morning and was about to get out of her way when Akiha stopped before him.

"Nii-san, I have to go over to Okinawa to take care of some Saeki Group business," Akiha told him to his face. "I will probably have to stay the night there with Kohaku so please don't worry should my return be delayed."

Akiha then made as if to leave before she turned around. Her expression that of when someone has just remembered something important.

"Oh, and nii-san," Akiha said with a smile that could have frozen boiling tea. "I'll be asking Hisui to tell me everything you did when I get back, so don't think of this as an opportunity to associate with those two witches."

Akiha's warning fell on deaf ears. Shiki was still absorbing the fact that Akiha needed to run off somewhere, but before he could chase his sister up on the matter Akiha had already run out the door. Kohaku went out behind her, giving Shiki a little smile before she disappeared from his sight.

Still flustered by whatever had just happened Shiki scratched his head in confusion. The only thing he had understood about that brief conversation was that Akiha and Kohaku were going on a short trip. Oh well, he would be having a quiet night then.

The phone rang before he reached his room. He was wondering if he should get it when the ringing stopped. Hisui's doing most likely. Either she or Kohaku always got the phone before handing it over to him and Akiha.

What happened next would have surprised anyone.

"Shiki-sama!" Hisui shouted out as she suddenly appeared at the other end of the corridor. The maid ran into her room and appeared just moments later with a travel bag in her hands. Shiki had stopped wondering what the hell was going on by now and waited to see what the reason behind this later fiasco was.

Hisui came to a stop in front of him and bowed. "I'm sorry for the late notice Shiki-sama, but some trouble has come up regarding one of my sister's inventions. I'm afraid I'll have to go to Tokyo and retrieve it before things get too bad."

Having told him this Hisui was running to the door saying, "Please tell my sister to leave the cleaning until I get back Shiki-sama!"

"Ah, wait! Hisui!" Shiki called after Hisui who was acting much differently to her usual secluded self and more like the energetic young girl he remembered from his youth. "Kohaku went off with Akiha so..." Shiki realised that Hisui had already left the mansion and couldn't hear him.

In the silence that Hisui's hurried departure left behind, Shiki found himself alone in the huge mansion. Not even Len was here, the familar having gone off to some city over in Libya on a favour for Sion.

Shiki looked left than looked right. This was the first time since coming back to the mansion that he had been left completely to himself. It was actually a little eerie.

A bump. Shiki jumped up in fright and smiled sheepishly when he saw that it was only the door to Kohaku's room. The door hadn't been closed properly and the wind was banging it against the doorframe. Never hard enough for it to close.

Wait... Kohaku's room?

Naughty thoughts began filling Shiki's head. Here he was, a fully functional man just in his twenties, alone in a house where three girls lived. Could he really call himself a man if he didn't do _something_ while he had the chance?

A more sane piece of his mind screamed, "YES! Do you_ really _want to die?" but was overruled by the as the long dormant prankster inside him awakened. Shiki began walking towards Kohaku's room with hands itching to carry out some mischief. Finally, a chance to try and find a weakness with which he could get some of his own back at Kohaku.

Shiki was about to pass through the dread gate to the realm of the amber eyed witch when he froze. His finely tuned sense of danger was telling him that if he moved a millimetre foward his life would come to a pitiful end.

After carefully backing away from the door Shiki examined the portal to try and find out what was so dangerous about it. A few seconds of searching and he found what he was looking for. A nearly invisible wire that ran from one side of the door to the other. The only reason Shiki could even see it with the naked eye was because there seemed to be some kind of translucent substance smeared along its length. Curious as to what would happen if he touched it, but mindful of all the agonising experiences he had already suffered at the hands of Kohaku's hobbies, Shiki tried touching the wire with a pen he got from his pocket.

At first nothing seemed to happen. Encouraged, Shiki tried dabbing the little bit of clear gel on the end of the pen on a leaf of the little pot plant sitting nearby. The vibrant green leaf instantly began to turn a brittle brown colour as it curled up and died. Shiki watched in horror as the effect spread out towards the rest of the plant.

Leaving the pen buried in the soil of the pot Shiki slowly crept back into his room. He no longer felt like trying to see what was in the girls' rooms. His sense of adventure had just shrivelled up along with what moments ago had been a healthy flower. Once safely back in his own private space Shiki lay back on the bed and thought about what to do for the rest of the day that didn't entail a risk of dying.

Staying at the mansion was probably the most sensible option. Somebody had to stay and make sure the thieves didn't get eaten, or poisoned, or decapitated, or... On the other hand sitting around here with nothing to do didn't appeal to Shiki. Since there wasn't anyone around to nag at him to act more like the oldest scion of the Tohno family he was going to enjoy himself today. But what to do? Inui was busy working so hanging out with him was no good. There was always the option of going to uni and finishing his latest project but he had been working on the thing for three weeks now and he wanted to take a break from art. Another option was going to visit the Arimas. Miyako had been pestering him to come by for a few weeks now and he supposed he had to go and pay his respects some time or another. However, Miyako should be at school right now and he would never hear the end of it if he went by while she wasn't there. Never mind how much more peaceful it would be.

That left him with only one option. An option he didn't dare give voice to inside the mansion for fear that Akiha had left recording devices scattered around (again). It was something that would put him in great danger if caught, but there was no way he was letting a rare chance like this get away.

Shiki jumped off the bed and began to change into clothes more suitable for going out. If things went anything like they usually did Arcueid would be leading him all around the place.

**The Satsujinki Cooking Diaries**

**Recipe 7 - Dinner For Two (With Hints of Lemon)**

Arcueid was still asleep.

Shiki smiled when he entered the apartment with some groceries to find the princess of the true ancestors stretched out across her bed. As always when he saw her like this, asleep without her happy-go-lucky personality to distract him from her looks, Shiki was reminded of just how beautiful Arcueid really was.

The clear noon sunlight found its molten reflection in the strands that fell down to frame Arcueid's sleeping face in locks of white gold. The gossamer eyelashes that were their more delicate cousins lay quiscent below eyelids that Shiki knew covered orbs that could put the most brilliant rubies to shame. In their absence Arcueid's lips provided their own splash of colour, a glossy cherry pink that no lipstick could ever hope to emulate. Right at that moment they were curled up in a serene smile that if captured on canvas would have put the Mona Lisa to shame.

Shiki's eyes were drawn downwards towards Arcueid's bare legs. As per her usual habits Arcueid had gone to bed with only a loose shirt for cover and her lower limbs now lay exposed to the light. A delicious sight. The pale skin of Arcueid's legs was never so evident as it was now as they lay stretched out on top of the white silk sheets. Moonlight captured and made flesh, softer than the smoothest velvet under his fingers.

An errant finger slowly made its way from the tip of Arcueid's toe and to her knee. The sleeping vampire princess shivered at the touch but didn't wake up. Smiling at the reaction, Shiki continued higher till he reached her inner thigh, stopping there and drawing lazy rings that inched higher every time they came full circle, raising goosebumps where his finger passed.

He chuckled softly as Arcueid moaned in protest and rolled onto her back. The movement revealed the fact that her shirt wasn't buttoned up, making it obvious that she wasn't wearing a bra. Pale skin looked out at Shiki from the gap between one side of the white shirt and the other. It was an invitation that Shiki couldn't resist.

Shiki knelt down beside the bed and put his hand upon Arcueid's abdomen. His fingers placed just above the area where things started getting dangerous for ratings. He then slowly started to slide his hands upwards, tickling her with his fingers as his hand crept upwards towards her full chest.

His hand was just about to reach Arcueid's breast when her hand came up to wrap itself around his. When Shiki looked up he saw Arcueid looking back at him, a warm smile of contentment on her face that he knew was on his face too.

"Good afternoon sleepyhead," he said affectionately.

"It's barely noon," complained Arcueid in a sultry voice. "It's nice waking up to see your face though."

Shiki tweaked Arcueid's nose. "Being cute doesn't mean you can lie in bed all day. Get up and I'll make you a meal."

"Awww," Arcueid groaned. "Can't you just lie down and sleep with me instead, Shiki? I'm still sleepy."

She brought his hand up as she spoke and began sucking on his fingers. Slowly and carefully, as if she held another lower part of Shiki's body in her hands, Arcueid teasingly ran her tongue over his fingers while they were in her mouth. The sensations running up his arm from his hand sentt delightful shivers down his spine, but Shiki resisted temptation and pulled his captured hand away from Arcueid.

"Nice try Arcueid, but you know I'll never get to sleep tonight if I nap with you now."

Arcueid pouted. "Give me a good morning kiss then."

Laughing softly shiki stood up and gave her a peck on her forehead. "There, satisfied?"

Arcueid's answer was to grab him by his shirt collar and pull him down until his lips met hers. Though the unexpected action had him floundering a little at first Shiki soon settled down and returned the kiss properly. Time passed with their lips locked in a heated but soft embrace. Finally, after her tongue had given his lips one last carress, Arcueid let go of Shiki's collar.

Pressure removed, Shiki's head naturally drifted back up. When he opened his eyes he saw Arcueid's brilliant smile again.

"Now I am," she told him in a content voice.

They stayed smiling at each other like that for a few pleasant minutes. Neither of them spoke, nor did either of them move. It was just one of those perfect moments that were to be enjoyed when one could.

x-x-x

Two bowls of noodles and a vampire stomach ache later, Shiki and Arcueid were relaxing on the new couch Arcueid had bought as they watched TV together. The princess of the true ancestors was lying back against Shiki after having plopped herself down as she recovered from the garlic.

On her part Arcueid was only half paying attention to the movie being shown. The rest of her awareness was being taken up by the pleasant sensation she was getting from Shiki's fingers as they idly ran through her hair. Arcueid knew that it was not intentional on Shiki's part, but it was all the more endearing because of the unconscious affection it implied. She stayed quiscent under his hand until the credits for the movie started rolling.

Naughty thoughts going through her head, Arcueid turned to bury her face in Shiki's chest. "Hey, Shiki..."

"Hmmm... ?"

"Do you want to do something fun?" she whispered huskily to Shiki while sliding her body up against his.

Shiki startled her by suddenly exclaiming, "Oh, I almost forgor!" and standing up. Leaving her kneeling on the couch by herself wondering what the heck he was doing.

Shiki came back in holding two tickets. "That new aquarium they opened up downtown, Arihiko gave me some tickets for it. Do you want to go check it out?" he asked.

Arcueid was staring at Shiki in disbelief. Their first day alone in what seemed like months and he wanted to go to the aquarium? She would have said Shiki was joking if not for the earnest light in his eyes. He really did think that she would prefer to go to the aquarium. Well, the polar bear and such that had been advertised on TV were cute... But really, right now?

Holding back a mournful sigh, Arcueid smiled her approval and stood up to go get dressed properly. Shiki didn't seem to notice anything was off.

Really. He could be an idiot sometimes...

x-x-x

GuuARK! GUaRK! GUARK!

"Why are they chasing you?!" Shiki screamed as he and Arcueid were chased around the penguin enclosure by its maddened inhabitants.

"I don't know!" Aruceid cried out while jumping a penguin that had slid into their path.

Shiki stumbled over the very same penguin but turned the tumble into a roll which soon saw him on his feet again. "Why did you even jump in here in the first place?!"

"I wanted to feed the baby penguin..."

GUARK! A peck on his heels. "I'll talk to you about this later, but for now... KEEP RUNNING!"

-x-x-x-x-

"They don't have any lines?! THEY DON'T HAVE ANY LINES!"

-x-x-x-x-

After escaping the penguins and getting banned from the aquarium for life, Shiki and Arcueid had retreated to a cafe in order to rest and regain some energy.

"That.. Was one of the most ridiculously dangerous events I have ever experienced," Shiki said tonelessly as he gulped down his espresso. Clothes tattered and hair mussed up, his state was such that he probably didn't notice that the black liquid was steaming hot.

"Oh come off it Shiki, it wasn't that bad was it?" Arcueid on the other hand was as cheery as ever, with only a few out of place strands of hair to show that she had exerted herself at all.

"They didn't have any _lines_..." Still dazed by the surreality of the whole thing, Shiki was mumbling to himself.

Under any other circumstances Arcueid herself may have been a little freaked out by the thought that there were things other than herself that Shiki couldn't see the death of. On a day when she was trying to have fun with Shiki though? The creatures in question being adorable penguins?

Issue forgotten, what was so worrying again?

"Shiki, stop worrying about it so much," whined Arcueid. "We got out fine didn't we? Let's go somewhere else." Grinning slightly, Arcueid began leaning onto her man. "There's always that hotel that we -."

"Shiki-san!" The sudden loud cry from the entrance of the cafe put a standstill to activity within the building. All eyes were drawn to the girl in the sailor uniform standing there, blushing under the attention she had inadvertently gathered.

"Seo-chan?" Shiki quickly stood up to go and rescue the poor precog.

"Grrrr..." A low growl escaped Arcueid's mouth as Shiki led the unfamiliar girl to their table. She was starting to get a little frustrated with how things were going. And just who was this Seo and why was she acting so familiar with Shiki? Was she another enemy?

Pulling up a chair, Shiki helped Seo sit down then returned to his own seat. Once they realised that nothing interesting was going on everybody else in the cafe began to turn back to their own conversations, a great relief for the embarrassed young girl.

"So, what got you so excited Seo-chan?" Shiki asked once Seo looked to have composed herself a bit.

Arcueid had to rub her eyes, she could have sworn she had just seen fluffy puppy ears perk up on the girl's head.

"Ah! Shiki-san, you can't go to the aquarium today!" Seo continued on, oblivious to the way Shiki's grin had frozen. "I'm not exactly sure why, but I just know that if you go there... to.. day... You already went, didn't you?" Having noticed the state of Shiki's clothes and the twitches, she finished quietly.

Shiki and Arcueid nodded slowly. Seo sighed heavily and Arcueid wondered again if there was something wrong with her eyes. There didn't seem to be any other explanation for the fact that she could have sworn she had seen a pair of drooping puppy ears on the girl.

"... Uhm... I tried calling you but..." the girl seemed to shrink with every word she said.

Reaching over, Shiki pat her on the head. "That's my fault, I left home early today so it's no surprise you couldn't reach me. Besides," The young man whose latest nickname in the supernatural community was 'Death Glasses' picked up the remains of his pastry. "I got out fine anyway didn't I? Relax."

Seo brightened up, but immediately blinked in confusion as Arcueid began to began to pat her down.

"Uh..." Seo sent Shiki a silent plee for help.

Confused himself, it took a while for Shiki to respond and catch Arcueid's wrist.

"Arcueid? What are you doing?" he asked her.

"Hmmm, sorry. I thought I saw something," Arcueid shook her head lightly to clear the image of puppy ears from her mind. "And, Shiki? Who is this?" She gestured towards Seo while giving him an accusing glare.

"Eh?" Shiki floundered for a reply until he remembered that the two had never seen each other before. "Oh, sorry. I completely forgot to introduce you two. Arcueid, meet Akira Seo. Seo-chan, meet Arcueid." Shiki stopped and looked at her. "It is alright for her to call you Arcueid right?"

"Sure," Arcueid waved the question off, she wasn't really interested in what the girl called her as long as she kept her hands off Shiki. "Nice to meet you Akira-san."

Although Arcueid held out her hand in a motion she had seen on TV, Seo was frozen in shock. Apparently she had just realised that Arcueid was sitting there and -.

"Bloodsucking demon... ?" Head tilted to the side, strange words escaped her mouth in a trembling voice.

"Excuse me?" Arcueid flinched back, shocked by Seo's words. Did this girl know what she was?

When Arcueid Seo jumped in her chair. "Eeeep! Please don't hurt me! It was Tohno-sempai that said it, not me!"

"Haha..." Shiki laughed weakly. "Seo-chan is Akiha's junior at school, she's also the precog I told you about a few months back." Aside, quietly so as to try and avoid being heard by Arcueid, Shiki whispered to Seo. "What the heck has Akiha been saying about Arcueid this time?"

If your everyday girl saw her boyfriend softly whispering in another girl's ear in front of her, she would no doubt have felt a spurt of jealousy that the boyfriend would pay for later. Luckily for Shiki, Arcueid's acute hearing meant that she didn't misunderstand the situation, he was only asking a question. Unfortunately for Shiki, this meant that Arcueid had just overheard what he had asked Seo.

"This time? You mean she's gone around like this more than once?" Arcueid asked with a hint of frost in her voice.

"Ah..." Shiki tried to think of a way to excuse his sister, but couldn't think of anything. "You know how she gets a little unbalanced when it comes to you. Just let it go."

Arcueid was still in Brunestud mode, her bubbly side completely hidden behind an irritated mask. After a moment however the mask crumbled and she sipped slowly from the cup of tea in her hands.

"You are too lenient when it comes to Akiha, Shiki," Arcueid chided him. "Sit her down one of these days and tell her to stop being such a brat about our relationship."

Both Shiki and Seo chuckled nervously as they exchanged a glance. Sit Akiha down... And tell her to calm down about his being involved with another woman? Slightly different but startingly similar images flashed through their heads as the two of them imagined what would happen.

"... Maybe in a decade or two," Shiki mumbled under his breath.

"Or five?" suggested Seo, only half-jokingly.

Introductions and urgent topics out of the way, the three of them settled down into an easy conversation. Well, two people did and one woman continued to send hints that the other should leave. This didn't work very well, and Arcueid decided that she needed to spell things out for the girl.

"What are you going to do now Akira-san?" Arcueid asked Seo sweetly, butting into a discussion between her and Shiki about life at school.

Seo, looked up at her, appearing to be faintly surprised by the question. "Well, it's a saturday so I don't have to go back to the dormitory for until nine. I was planning to walk around town and shop a bit."

"Hey, that's perfect," Shiki grinned. "Arcueid and I planning to go and do something now too. Why don't you join us?"

Seo looked eager while Arcueid could feel a headache coming along. There was something wrong about today. Not even Shiki was normally this stupid. Or maybe it was just his compulsion to see everyone happy that was acting up right now. Right, that had to be it.

"I wouldn't mind too much," She said smoothly. "It's just that Shiki and I were on a date before you came, Akira-san."

Arcueid emphasised the word 'date' for two reasons. One, to remind Shiki that this was a date and not just a casual outing. The other, a warning to the other girl that, no, she wasn't really welcome to butt in thank you.

"Date?" It was actually amusing to see the gamut of expressions run their way across Seo's face. "Oh! I'm sorry for interrupting you two." She made as if to stand up and leave when she stopped and gave Arcueid a hesitant smile. "Uhmm, if you don't have anything in particular that you want to do I have some free movie tickets here. I heard that there are some pretty good movies out right now, why don't you go see one together?"

Must, not, kill, brat. Arcueid knew that the cute little girl was trying to make a peace offering and she found herself liking her for it. It was a refreshing change from a certain prospective little sister of hers. However, she could feel her smile slipping as she felt her frustration begin boiling over. Why did she have to offer them the tickets now?! This was the first time she had been able get Shiki alone for herself in weeks and she wanted some quality time together for crying out loud!

"Thanks Seo-chan," Shiki gladly accepted the proffered tickets, an action that provoked a stifled groan from Arcueid.

The vampire princess fought to keep herself from grabbing the tickets and ripping them up as they got up from their seats to leave. There's always the night, she told herself as she waved her new - friend? - goodbye with a stiff smile on her face. There was always the night...

-x-x-x-

Arcueid was in a much better mood once they got out of the cinema. Akira-san had been right, the movie was good, and on that note, she now had Shiki at her mercy for the night. Huhuhu...

If Shiki had been able to hear the evil chuckle in Arcueid's mind, he would have wondered if he had made a mistake when he asked Kohaku to befriend the true ancestor.

Looking forward to a fun night, Arcueid was about to make her move when fate attempted to intervene, again. This time in the form of a familiar... Eh?

"Arihiko?" Shiki blurted out as he spotted a figure who was causing conversation to cease wherever he went. "What did you do to your hair?"

"Shiki! Good timing man!" Ignoring Shiki's horrified expression, Inui Arihiko waved a greeting and ran up to his pal. "And... Whoo boy, on a date with Arc-chan I see you lucky bastard. Hey there Arc!"

"... Hello," Arcueid said numbly. She too was too shocked by the... Thing that had taken up residence on Arihiko's head to say or think much more than that.

Words almost failed to describe it. A mass of frilly pink ribbons and white lace were choking the life out of a clump of blonde hair that had been curled into... Arcueid gave up at this point and began wondering why anyone would have something like that on their head.

"Arihiko, I'll say this again, so answer me before I cut off all relations with you forever," Shiki pointed a finger at the horror. "What, the hell, is_ that_?"

"Huh?" Arihiko followed Shiki's finger and peered up at his head. "Ohhhh, that. It's just a wig. See?" Arihiko lifted the monstrosity off his head and held it out, upon which a storm of relieved sighs came from the men nearby whose manhoods had been shrivelling at the mere sight of the thing.

Shiki sighed too. "Okay, now explain to me why you are wearing something like that in public."

"It was a punishment man, a punishment," Arihiko threw up his arms in a gesture of helplessness. "Some of the guys from our high school class are having a little get together right now. I got invited and... Well, let's just say that I'm currently losing one of the games we are playing."

A thoughtful look came over Shiki. "The guys from high school? Ah, right. I got an e-mail about it a few days ago. I didn't realise it was today though."

"Why don't you show your face for a bit?" Arihiko suggested. "We are going to that restaurant over on Third for dinner now. Bring Arc-chan along and we can rub their faces in the fact that we have girlfriends and they still don't."

"Hmm, I don't know... Wait," Shiki looked at Arihiko. "When did you get a girlfriend? You didn't say anything about that last time we met?"

Arihiko gave him the big shit-eating grin that he was famous for. "Your sister man! Who else do you think I would be talking about? I showed those guys the pictures I took of her and they - Oof! ... Hey... I was only joking."

Arihiko gasped as he clutched his stomach, in pain after Shiki kneed him.

"I hit you harder when we were in middle school, stop acting," Shiki adjusted his glasses. "So seriously, who is it?"

Rolling his eyes, Arihiko mumbled something about being hit since middle school as he straightened up again. "This chick I met at work. We've only been going out for a week or so. Come along and I will introduce you."

"Huh, you finally got a girl," Shiki congratulated Arihiko with a clap on the shoulder. "This person I have to see. Third did you say?"

Snap. The sound of something breaking inside Arcueid's head. She had heard enough, and she was not about to waste more precious hours which she could be spending alone with her Shiki.

"Sorry Inui-san!" Arcueid latched onto Shiki's arm with a bright smile on her face. "I guess Shiki forgot but we have somewhere to go right now."

Arihiko noted with fear how incongruous those frosty eyes were with that beautiful smile. Eyes that were telling him to go away or face the consequences.

"Arcueid? What are you -."

Shiki was about to ask her what she was talking about when Arihiko cut in. Strictly a normal human he might have been, but even he knew when his life was on the line.

"Ah, that's too bad. See ya Shiki, bye Arc!" Arihiko began moving off quickly, but his nature meant that he had to leave a parting message. "I'll call, so let's get together some other time!"

"Bye Inui-san!" Arihiko cheerfully waved him off, relieved that one person today had gotten the hint.

"..." Shiki watched Arihiko disappear into the crowd and wondered what had just happened. "Okay, where were we going Arcueid?"

Arcueid looked at him, and sighed. "Just follow me."

With that she began to drag him along, still wrapped around his arm. A position that many of the men who saw them envied Shiki for. As for Shiki himself, he was still lost but had finally realised that this was one time when it was better to shut up and let Arcueid lead the way.

-x-x-x-

Sunset saw Shiki sitting in Arcueid's apartment where they had started the day. He could hear the sounds of cooking coming from the kitchen, but some reason Arcueid had forbidden him from helping her. Deprived of anything to do Shiki had sat down to watch the news.

"Sorry, it took so long Shiki~!" Arcueid's merry voice drew Shiki's attention to the kitchen entrance. "I was wondering what to make but decided to go with something quick and easy in the end. A salad and grilled chicken should do shouldn't it? Shiki? Is something wrong?"

Breaking news about some kind of mecha going crazy in Tokyo flew by Shiki without even registering, his hand on the remote hitting the off button by reflex. Wrong? What could be wrong? There wasn't anything wrong! In fact there was too much of nothing wrong. Too... Much...

"Ar... Arcueid... ? What are you wearing... ?" Shiki stuttered.

"This?" Kneeling in front of him, Arcueid looked down at herself. A frilly black apron covered her front, and nothing else. Naughty grin on her face, she peered up at Shiki. "Just something I saw on the television. Do you like it Shiki?" she said as she smoothed the front of the apron down, an innocent consequence of this being that it stuck more closely to her full curves.

All praise the mighty box, may its glory last forever! Arcueid in a naked apron? Getting her cable had to have been one of the best decisions in his life. Shiki couldn't take his eyes off Arcueid's body as she leaned closer into him. His hands twitched as his brain shut down all non-critical functions in order to burn the image into the memory banks.

"Ah, ah~," Arcueid slapped away Shiki's hand, which had crept towards her without him even realising it. "Dessert is for later dear." Arcueid spoke softly, her breath tickling his neck as she crept closer.

Shiki was aware of a growing problem downstairs, but Arcueid seemed to ignore it as she slid her arms around him and sat on his lap. Firm breasts pressed into his chest as she gave him a light kiss on his lips. Was she trying to drive him crazy? Having been told off already, Shiki was at a loss as to what to do with his hands. A problem solved when Arcueid moved back a bit and said, "Eat your dinner before it gets cold Shiki." When Shiki didn't move she smiled again and whispered, "Or do you want me to feed you?"

Red faced with embarrassment and desire, Shiki picked up the knife and fork that Arcueid had laid out. He ate quickly, without really tasting the food that was passing down his mouth. He was much much too distracted for that, not helped by the way Arcueid would sometimes lean in and steal bites from food halfway into his mouth. Torture and bliss, that was how he would have described his dinner that night. With a goddess teasing him from his lap and him ready but unable to do anything, every passing second was sweet torment for his soul.

After what seemed an eternity, the last of the salad disappeared down Shiki's throat. Condition met, Shiki made as if to almost grab Arcueid, but was again frustrated as she slid up and out of his grasp. Twirling around in a motion that flashed him glimpses of her back and other more sensuous parts, she danced her way back to the kitchen with dishes in hand. She left behind her one young man who was beginning to feel as if he was about to undergo one of the dreaded Tohno inversion impulses.

"I was saving this for a special occassion," Arcueid said in a flirtatious tone as she came out of the kitchen again. She held a bottle of wine in her hands that she opened easily, the cork slipping out smoothly between her fingers in a motion that no human could have achieved. "This one's best fresh from the bottle so we should drink it quickly."

"You didn't bring any wine glasses," Shiki pointed out slowly in an attempt to preserve some of his sanity.

Looking at him in an expression of mock despair, Arcueid theatrically brought a hand to her mouth. "Oh dear, how could I have forgotten." When she knelt in front of him again, Shiki saw the mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "Guess I will just have to do this."

It should have been impossible, but Shiki felt his eyes grow even wider as Arcueid unlaced the top of the apron and wrapped an arm around her breasts. A trickle of dark red wine was poured into the crevice that she had made, the liquid glistening like fresh blood against her ivory skin.

"Ah~ it's leaking," Arcueid said sadly. "Could you hurry up and drink it please Shiki?"

The sad face she showed him was the last straw. Shiki buried his mouth between Arcueid's breasts and began lapping up the wine. Once most of it had gone he began to pay attention to the area around there as well, running his tongue across her smooth skin to clean up the remains.

Arcueid moaned softly as he began playing with her nipples. His left hand stroked one while his right wrapped itself around her waist, unlacing the remaining knots that held the flimsy covering between them in place.

"Mmmm, Shiki here."

Taking a gulp from the bottle, Arcueid leant in to meet Shiki's mouth as he rose up to meet her. A few drops escaped from the side of their mouths as they kissed, a tangling of tongues that went on for long moments. When they seperated they were both short of breath and eager for more.

"Do you want to take this into the bedroom?" Shiki asked her as he pulled her closer.

"Heh heh," Arcueid licked her lips and straddled him. "Later maybe," she said as she began taking off his shirt. "I still haven't had my dessert yet."

"Dessert? What - Eep!"

Shiki let out a girly shriek when something icy cold found its way onto his chest. He saw that Arcueid had pulled out a tub of chocolate ice cream from somewhere and was in the process of smearing it across his body.

"I told you, I haven't had my dessert yet Shiki," Arcueid murmured as she pushed him down onto the carpet.

-x-x-x-

Let it suffice to say, it was a long and pleasant night for both of them.

-x-x-x-

There were some moments when Shiki regretted the fact that Arcueid had installed a phone in her apartment. Moments such as now, as the ringing woke them from their slumber.

Shiki and Arcueid were a mass of tangled limbs on the bed as they came back to life under the audial assault. Last night they had started in the lounge before they moved to the kitchen, then they had gone to the bathroom to 'clean up', and had finally ended up in the bedroom where they had gone to sleep after satiating their lust.

"What isss it, Shi-ki?" Arcueid mumbled as she opened bleary eyes.

"Phone," Shiki groaned in reply. "Pick up?"

"Ignore it," Arcueid purred, and she pulled the sheet over both their heads.

The pang of conscience that Shiki felt was soon erased as Arcueid settled in next to him, her warm body moulding itself to his. Besides, the phone stopped ringing soon enough.

-x-x-x-

One o'clock, and the sun was shining. After getting a light meal Shiki and Arcueid were nestled up on the couch as they watched a game show on the tele. There was nothing sensual about it. Just two people enjoying each other's company.

Throughout it all however Shiki couldn't help but think he had forgotten something important.

Thring, thring. The phone started ringing again.

"Could you get that Shiki?" Arcueid sighed. "It's probably one of those annoying telemarketers again."

"Okay," Shiki carefully laid Arcueid's head back on the couch from where it had lain on his shoulder and stood up.

"Afternoon, Brunestud residence. Who's calling?" Shiki answered the phone without really thinking about anything. He was still feeling all fluffy from last night.

- ... - Silence over the phone.

"Hello?" Returning to himself a little, Shiki tried answering again.

- Niiii~san? - A low and heavy voice, cold as the grave to which it beckoned.

Shiki instantly recognised who it was, and froze. "Akiha?"

- Tweek, crackle, pwooch! Beep, beep, beep, beep... -

"Ha, ha, hahahahaha," laughing nervously, Shiki tried to persuade himself them he had not just heard his sister break the phone on the other end of the line.

"Shiki? Who is it?" Arcueid inquired from the couch.

How to answer. So many possible futures, so many possible ways for him to die. Shiki spent a moment staring blankly into space as he considered his options.

"Shiki?" Sounding a little worried now, Arcueid got up and came over.

"Ah, who am I kidding," Shiki sighed to himself and then smiled brightly at Arcueid.

Very, very, brightly. The smile of one who knows what he is about to do is crazy but has accepted that there is no other choice in the matter.

"Hey Arcueid? How do you feel about going on a trip? To, say..." Shiki thought about it. Was there anywhere he could go to escape Akiha's demonic wrath? Europe? No, Europe was out. Ciel-sempai would be coming after them once she heard about this. In that case, the only logical place was Africa... Yeah, they could drop by Sion's place and pick up Len as well. Problem was, that was too close to Europe for comfort. In that case...

"Right," having made up his mind Shiki grabbed Arcueid's hand. "Let's take a trip to South America after we pick up Len from Sion's place. You said you haven't been there before right?"

"Huh, Shiki?" Arcueid seemed confused by this sudden turn of events.

"No time to explain!" Shiki said desperately as he grabbed his passport and travel bag from where he had stashed it in Arcueid's spare room. "Just think of it as a road trip Arcueid!"

"Hmmm..." Arcueid thought it over. Phone call, Shiki had said Akiha, now Shiki wanted to go on a trip. Hmmm, sounded like little sister was furious. On the other hand, she could go on a trip with Shiki! Why had she even needed to think this over again?

"Okay! Let's go Shiki!" Arcueid grabbed Shiki by his arm and began pulling him towards the door, suddenly even more enthusiastic about this than Shiki himself. "South America, here we come!"

As they left the building Shiki began to wonder if he might had made a little mistake. Then, the thought of facing Akiha again booted those doubts from his head. It wasn't as if he was going away for good or anything now, was it? Just until Akiha's temper cooled down...

-x-x-x-

A few hours later...

Standing in what had been the chairman's office in the Saeki Group headquarters, Akiha was in full crimson mode as she read the printout that Kohaku had brought to her.

"So, he escaped to Africa with that bloodsucking bitch did he?" Akiha hissed as the paper disintegrated under her fury. "Kohaku, have you gotten the jet ready yet?"

"I'm sorry Akiha-sama, but it will take two more hours for the checks to finish," on the line to the airport, Kohaku was in assistant mode, her voice cool and soothing as she told Akiha the current status of the Tohno private jet. "It's been so long since we last used the plane that-."

"Tell the crew that if they are done in thirty minutes they will be getting four times their pay in bonuses this year," Akiha's voice cut across Kohaku's words.

"Of course Akiha-sama," Kohaku acknowledged the receipt of the order and bent back to the phone.

Satisfied that she had done all she could for now, Akiha turned back to the window where a glorious sunset was setting the horizon on fire. In her current mood however Akiha could only think that the light was staining the city red, the same way as certain people would be stained crimson once she got her hands on them.

"Huhuhu... So you think you can escape by going overseas nii-san?" Akiha's voice was cold and husky. "I will show you the true extent of the Tohno family's power nii-san. So be prepared for what will happen once I catch you. Huhuhuhu, hahaha, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Kohaku paused in the midst of sending a request to the Egyptian consulate for a travel visa to examine her mistress. Yep, she was going to have to readjust the medication again.

Keeping people nice and insane was such a bother sometimes.

* * *

Notes:

1. By this time Arc and Shiki have been together for about two years.

2. This is NOT continuous from a harem ending.

3. Make of this what you will HAHAHAHAHA

* * *

**The Satsujinki Cooking Diaries Omake**

**Cooking With Ciel-Sensei! - Cut Scene 1**

_Rachel Ray show style home kitchen stage in a production set. CIEL-SENSEI walks out to some cheering from the audience._

_CIEL-SENSEI_

Hello there! Welcome to 'Cooking With Ciel-Sensei', with your host, me! *Beaming smile*

*Polite Applause, _CIEL-SENSEI'_s smile appears frozen onto her face*

_CIEL-SENSEI_

Let's try that again shall we? *Brings out Seven and slams it down onto the kitchen bench* Good evening all! Welcome to 'Cooking With Ciel-Sensei', with your beautiful and gracious host, me!

*Fervent Applause, some people are clapping so hard they are sweating. Or are they... ?*

_CIEL-SENSEI_

Thank you all for coming here today. For today's show we decided to focus on an easy dish that everyone can make at home for under 1000 yen. In these tough economic times we all need to cut down our food costs don't we? *Murmured agreement from audience* Yes, so here's the dish we are going to prepare today, Curry Rice!

_PrOduCeR_

Cut!

*_CIEL-SENSEI_ frowns*

_CIEL-SENSEI_

Is there something wrong?

_PrOduCeR_

Ciel-sensei, that's not the dish you are supposed to be making. The programme specifically states that you are supposed to be making stir-fry noodles with beef.

_CIEL-SENSEI_

*Waves the suggestion away* Oh pheesh, who wants to eat anything like that? Curry Rice is obviously a much better choice.

_PrOduCeR_

*Groans and stares up at the ceiling* But we don't even have any curry powder in the studio...

_CIEL-SENSEI_

No worries. *Brings a packet out from under her mini-skirt (a prize if you can guess where that was hidden!)* I always carry some around with me.

_PrOduCeR_

*Starts hitting head on wall* God... Damnit... Knew... I... Should... Have... Gotten... Bloody... Vampire Girl...

*Audience member chooses that moment to ask a question*

_S2D-1_

Uhm, but isn't instant curry unhealthy for you? There's a lot of fat and artificial preservatives in there.

*_CIEL-SENSEI'_s body twitches, she is turned around from the audience so none of the audience members can see her face.*

_S2D-2_

Yeah, *nods agreement to _S2D-1_* I heard that you will get fat if you eat too much.

_S2D-3_

That's what my boyfriend told me when I got addicted to curry a while back. *laughs*

SNAP, CLICK

*Audience attention turns towards stage. _CIEL-SENSEI _is staring wild-eyed at the audience with Seven locked and loaded in her hands*

_CIEL-SENSEI_

So... I have a curry waistline do I? I'm getting fat, am I?

_S2D-2_

Uh... We never-

*Gets cut off by _CIEL-SENSEI_*

_CIEL-SENSEI_

WELL YOU ANEMIC VAMPIRES CAN GO AND SHOW OFF IN HELL! CURRY FOREVER!!

*_CIEL-SENSEI _starts blasting the audience. Carnage happens*

_CaM-MaN_

Uh... Boss...

_PrOduCeR_

*_PrOduCeR_ doesn't turn around. Keeps hitting head on wall* Get the CoDy to calm her down. *Finally turns around and sees the bloody mess _CIEL-SENSEI _is leaving in her wake* AND SOMEBODY GET ME A NEW AUDIENCE! *Returns to his head-banging* God... Damnit... Knew... I... Should... Have... Gotten... Bloody... Vampire Girl...

*Somewhere, in an graveyard about 2 km away from the studio*

_VaMpIrE Girl_

Aa... Aa... CHOO! *Wipes nose* Hmmm, I wonder if Tohno-kun is talking about me.

_GhOuL_

Brrraaainsssss......

_VaMpIrE Girl_

... Never mind...


End file.
